Read this...

Start with this and then read this one. I need to go to China, the comedy potential is off the charts...

A toast to religion!

I read this dude’s post on a messageboard recently and felt like sharing it because, well… he pretty much writes why I feel religion, be it Islam, Judaism, Christianity or whatever the fuck, is a bunch of steamy bullshit.

He recounts the tale of an encounter with a bible banging former friend of his:

“A friend of mine got born again and asked me why I wasn't religious. I asked him why he was religious and he told me about how anyone, anyone at all, no matter what they'd done in their life could find forgiveness in jesus just by asking for that forgiveness and go on to enter heaven and he thought that brotherhood of man was beautiful and holy.

'So what happens to people who don't ask jesus to forgive them?'

'They go to hell'

'So let me get this right, if a serial child molester who murders hundreds of people embraces jesus on his death bed, he goes to heaven, no harm, no foul, despite being an abomination for his entire existence?'

'Uhuh'

"But if a woman who lives in, say rural China and has never heard of Jesus or the catholic church, but has spent her entire life sheltering and caring for orphans and has saved hundreds of lives and been basically the perfect person dies believing in Confucianism or Buddhism instead of a man she's never heard of, she spends an eternity in torment?'

'uhhh, yeah, I guess'

'And you worship the worthless fucking cunt who'd create a universe where that could happen?'

And that’s why we don't talk anymore.”

But there IS wisdom to be found in the bible. Some of it just needs to be cleared up, that’s all. Take this list for example:

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
3. I know that a man is allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanness--Leviticus 15:19-24. The problem is, most women take offense when they're asked if they're unclean.
4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord--Leviticus 1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states that he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Leviticus 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there degrees of abomination?
7. Leviticus 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Leviticus 19:27. How should they die?
9. I know from Leviticus 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Leviticus 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton-polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them (Leviticus 24:10-16). Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, as we do with people who sleep with their in-laws (Leviticus 20:14)?

Things you shouldn't do when you're deaf

I don’t want to sound like a callous asshole… but that’s what I am so that’s how it comes out (apologies to Bill Hicks). In this particular case, there was a deaf beauty queen in Texas that was killed by a train. Nothing can be funny about that, right? Wrong!!

Tara McAvoy was walking along some train tracks text messaging her family members when a train actually came by and knocked her into next Tuesday. Honestly, that’s not really funny but it does make you wonder. Distracting yourself while walking on the train tracks is never a good idea. It is a much worse idea when YOU ARE FUCKING DEAF!!

The train operators sounded the horn but “they weren’t able to get a response from her.” The hell you say! A deaf chick didn’t hear the horn? I’m perplexed…

Oh well, perhaps this situation isn’t funny but I doubt the world just lost the next Einstein. I could be wrong.

This is why your economy is in the toilet, dumbasses!!

Unemployment rates in Europe keep going up and economic growth rates keep going down. The U.S. economy, meanwhile, keeps getting better. For example, despite inheriting a recession from the previous administration, despite the terrorist attacks of 9/11 that hit a major financial center and crippled the airline industry and despite financing two wars, the United States has added over five million jobs during the Bush Presidency. To put that in perspective, that’s more than Japan and all the countries of the European Union have added during the same time frame combined. Combined!

This isn’t about the U.S. though, this is about Europe. Namely: why are their economies slowly dying? Could it be (at least in part) because the people in those more socialist countries expect jobs and money regardless of how much work they’re actually willing to put in? Because they want to work so few hours and take so much vacation? While that may be great for the individual worker, I think we’re seeing what it means for those countries as a whole.

Take the protests in France for example. French students are protesting against a new law that will allow employers to fire workers under 26 within two years of their tenure with the company. The way it was before, it was damn near impossible to fire an employee regardless of how worthless they might have been. So why the protests? Because now young employees will actually have to work and provide some value to the company. Out-fucking-rageous!!

Take this stupid cocksucker for example (from bbc.com article):

VICTOR, 23, STUDENT, UNIVERSITY OF PARIS 2

“…I leave university at the end of the year and this law puts added pressure on me now.

It means that when I do get a job I will basically have to work as hard as I can to keep it.

If I make any mistakes I could be fired immediately.

This will affect me severely, so I have taken to the streets.”

NO SHIT YOU FUCKING RETARD!! GOD FUCKING FORBID YOU HAVE TO ACTUALLY WORK TO KEEP YOUR JOB!!

No wonder European economies are decaying: there are too many people who feel they’re entitled to shit they don’t want to work for. This dude, who posted his reaction to the article, expands:

"Apparently, you Frenchmen never got the memo - people have to earn their wages. Understandably, that must be confusing and quite distressing to comprehend. I know: you're French. Since your leaders are realizing the economic reality that comes along with a double digit unemployment rate and a greater cash flow towards Asia, you may want to support them.

Who am I kidding? Fuck you. These protests warm my heart. In 20 years, when the global economy has moved on and you're still getting drunk off your wine while digesting some greasy cheese, it'll be fun to see the economically prosperous people of the world, who actually 'work as hard as they can to keep their job' treat you like shit because you won't be worth a dime.

Seriously, HOW STUPID ARE YOU PEOPLE??? Major global companies aren't expanding in your retarded socialist states because hiring an employee is worse than getting Herpes. At least they have some medication to suppress Herpes and make it go away, albeit temporarily. Getting rid of an unproductive sack of shit is close to impossible.”

I'd like to file a complaint...

So there I was, killing time at work when I read a post on a messageboard that made me laugh so hard tears formed in my eyes. I don't know whether everyone else will share my appreciation for this anonymous complaint but, for my money, there's nothing funnier than a pissed off funny man. I am reminded of the greatest complaint letter ever, filed by an airline passenger (which was actually verified as true).

In any event, here's a pissed off dude writing to the anonymous shitter that ruined his day. I've linked to the original post here and am reprinting the text below with minor breaks thrown in to increase readability (spelling and grammar errors are in the original):

"Dear person in the Islanders Resturant bathroom,

While I don't make a habbit of calling people out on their movements I need to put this one out there.

YOU SIR, need to start each and every day with a bran muffin. Do you have the bird flu? In 26 years on this planet I have never heard, heard of, had or otherwise experienced as voilent a shit as you took in the Islanders bathroom. It sounded like you were pouring out a 5 gallon bucket of ice water from 10 feet avove the toilet. My ears have never heard so horrific a sound as your liquid fecal being fired downward between pockets of pressurized methane gas. I was only there to wash my hands before eating my lunch...but my appetite was foiled by your ass-disaster.

Moaning and weezing in your stall while wave after wave of dysentery ran from your bowels. What had you consumed?! Raw chicken, 2 bowls of chilli, 1 bottle Ex-Lax and a gallon of milk? You single handedly ruined every molecule of oxygen in the room. 30 minutes later back at work it still seemed like someone had wiped a log of shit under my nose."

Asshole

Ok – by now everyone knows I love my country, blah blah blah. That, however, does not mean that I ignore its faults. For example, there is one thing that seems unique to our culture and it drives me up the freakin’ wall. That thing is the frivolous law suit.

I believe America is a place where the individual is afforded opportunities to achieve greatness. When properly motivated, one can accomplish great things here – the system is set up for individuals to take destiny into their own hands. Sometimes they do stupid things then move on. Other times, they do stupid things and, rather than accepting the fact that they’ve done something retarded, they point fingers at other people in an attempt to absolve themselves of any guilt. Take the lady who spilled coffee in her lap and then sued McDonald’s. Or the jerkoff that broke into a family’s house, got trapped in it, and sued them because he couldn’t get out. Everyone knows what I’m talking about.

Every now and then, though, there comes someone who takes things to a whole new level. Take Curtis Gokey of Lodi, California for example:

A city dump truck backed into his car so he sued the city for damages. That seems reasonable until you get to the part where you discover Gokey was driving the dump truck. In other words, Gokey (a city employee, for our non-Mensa friends) backed his work truck into his private car, admitted he did it and that it was completely his fault, but he’s still suing the city because a city vehicle caused the damage to his car.

The city dismissed his claim because Gokey was, in essence, suing himself. Did he slink away with his tail between his legs, a defeated man? Hell no!! This is America: it cannot possibly be his fault!

So what happened next? Hoping to take advantage of a legal loophole, his wife is filing a new claim against the city under her own name and she’s asking for more money than her husband asked for in the original claim.

This case, it will be argued, also lacks merit because she cannot sue her own husband. Under California law, a married couple is a single entity but the case is still pending in Lodi City Hall.

Here’s how I would handle things: I would let them sue and then let them win. Then when they came to pick up the money, they would get an envelope with anthrax instead. Then they couldn’t contaminate our country with any more of their irresponsible stupidity. I’d run a tight ship if I were in charge…

The unlikely patriot

And now for someone with a better attitude toward their country. I’ve been meaning to post this for a while so pardon its lateness. It seems that team U.S.A basketball will not be inviting Allen Iverson to participate in the next Olympic Games. I’m sure the organizers have their reasons, just so long as the “he doesn’t represent the U.S. well” argument doesn’t surface.

People are worried about his thug appearance and behavior and if that’s what’s keeping him off the team in spite of his expressed desire to play again then I’d like to snap off a one-fingered salute to those that select the players.

Now… most of my friends know me well enough to know I hate selfish prima donna athletes with a passion. Take Terrell Owens as an example. As talented as he may be, he can take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut. As a matter of fact, I’d like to see NFL owners collude to keep his sorry fucking ass out of the league to make an example of him. Owens can gargle my nutsack.

To tell the truth though, I held a similarly low opinion of The Answer until the 2004 Summer Games. But there’s one very simple and very quick way to win my favor: being a patriot. I love being and American and I love my country, maybe even to the point of being a nationalist. I don’t always agree with our foreign policies but I agree with them far more often than I disagree with them.

Now, I don’t know Iverson’s political leanings and I don’t really care either way. I do know how proud he was to represent his country at the Olympics though and I know that he’s exactly the type of athlete (more accurately: exactly the type of attitude) that I’d like to see represent the country in the next Summer Games.

So what changed my mind about The Answer? Check this out:

"A.I. gets it right: It's an honor to be here
Sunday, August 29, 2004

By Adrian Wojnarowski
Special to ESPN.com

ATHENS, Greece -- All those things the public struggles to see beyond -- the tattoos, the cornrows, crooked baseball caps -- could no longer be the excuse for missing out on his finest hour. These Olympic Games were the best of Allen Iverson, a performance people never wanted to believe possible for him. Maybe it was true he was once the unwilling pupil of Larry Brown, but his old 76ers coach should've been studying the lessons Iverson taught on selflessness and accountability in these games.

The most telling moment of all was in the minutes after the United States' loss to Argentina in the semifinals, when the possibility for gold and glory were gone. When the coach stayed on his self-serving course of blaming USA Basketball, his players and the officials, Iverson stayed with his message in these games: It was an honor to represent his country, and his team had an immense obligation to treat the bronze medal game as though it was playing for gold.

When Brown had come to give a concession speech for the Olympics, Iverson delivered a public pep talk to his teammates for the eventual 104-96 victory over Lithuania. "If you don't get it done the way you expected to," Iverson said, "I think it's important that you get it done the best way you can. It's important that we come out and fight, and get the people proud of us back home."

Nobody conducted himself better, nor behaved like a better representative of this basketball team than he did in the games. Maybe everyone believed Iverson needed to bring back a gold medal to use the Olympics to rehabilitate his image. They were wrong. There was far more virtue in defeat than victory here. America found out much more about Iverson without him winning the gold, than it ever would've with him winning it.

"It's an honor to be named to this team," Iverson said. "It's something that you should cherish for the rest of your life. And honestly, this is something that I will cherish even without winning a gold medal. I feel like a special basketball player to make it to a team like this."

When the United States needed a standup spokesman in these games, it was co-captain Iverson taking the tough questions for as long as people needed him, not co-captain Tim Duncan. He was never afraid to make himself front and center, even when the public unjustly wanted to make him the embodiment for the reasons they didn't like this team, and even rooted against it. They should've been here. They should've watched Iverson play, and listened to him talk, and understood his desire to represent the United States far exceeded his need for self-preservation. He was willing to expose himself to the hits, the way no one else did here.

Iverson was the co-captain of the United States Olympic team and understood the selfish and self-defeating consequences for constantly tearing this team down, the way Brown did, instead of trying to find a way to make this work. Everyone else had done enough analyzing of the flaws in the USA Basketball system, but there was a responsibility the coach and the captains had to deliver direction to this impossibly young team. What good did it do for the players to constantly hear Brown telling the world they didn't have enough time to prepare for the games, except to give those fragile psyches excuses for losing?

"We had to understand from the first day that was the amount of time we had to prepare," Iverson said. "Was it enough of time? I don't know. But we knew we had to get it done in that time.

"And that's not any excuse we could use."

When NBA commissioner David Stern had a chance to talk with reporters in Athens, he had two clear agendas: make sure people understood he loved the way his players handled themselves and make sure he let them know Brown had disappointed him. Brown never stopped doing it, and Iverson never started. Iverson had come to represent the United States, and representing it meant honoring his responsibilities to the end. It didn't mean trying to distance yourself from responsibility and blame, to protect your own legacy and reputation.

"Sometimes the historical ways to motivate a team don't necessarily play out quite as well when you're in an international setting," Stern said. "This was a team that was put together, by everyone, including the coaching staff. So, I don't buy the well, 'I'd like to have this, I'd like to have that.'

"It's not about who didn't come. You take your team to the gym and you play with what you got and then you either win or lose. This whining and this carping is not fair to [those] who are representing their country admirably and well."

On his way home, Iverson started recruiting teammates for 2008. He wants to come back again. He had the time of his life wearing the red, white and blue, and just hopes the United States will give itself its best chance for gold medal in Beijing.

"For as anybody who grew up in the U.S., and was able to be a basketball player in the NBA, you understand the things that your country has done for you and your family," he said. "It gave you an opportunity to be able to support your family and be recognized as a household name. It was just an honor to be able to do something like that, and I would advise anybody selected to a team like this to take that honor and cherish it.

"It shouldn't be a question in your mind. When you get a chance to represent your country, what's better than that?"

Maybe it's time everyone understands that even not winning a gold medal is better than that. And most of all, maybe it's time everyone takes a moment and looks past the cornrows and tattoos and bronze medal -- all the things they swore they never wanted to see on an Olympic basketball player -- and see what they believed they always did: one hell of a proud American."

Adrian Wojnarowski is a columnist for The (Bergen, N.J.) Record and a regular contributor to ESPN.com. He can be reached at ESPNWoj8@aol.com.

Hahaha, FUCK YOU JANE FONDA!

The Georgia Senate defeated a resolution to honor Jane Fonda this morning and the vote was nearly unanimous. Some dipshit Democrat Senator sponsored the initiative to honor her recent charity work but tried to withdraw his resolution before it was voted upon. Republican leaders, however, forced the vote because they wanted to go on record against it. Well, they went on record by defeating the measure 38-1.

Republican John Douglas explains, “I can think of no living American who is less worthy of this honor. She is as guilty of treason as Benedict Arnold and Tokyo Rose.”

So what exactly did Jane Fonda do to be worthy of such scorn? Here is the rundown from snopes.com:

“…In July 1972, (…) actress Jane Fonda arrived in Hanoi, North Vietnam, and began a two-week tour of the country conducted by uniformed military hosts. Aside from visiting villages, hospitals, schools, and factories, Fonda also posed for pictures in which she was shown applauding North Vietnamese anti-aircraft gunners, was photographed peering into the sights of an NVA anti-aircraft artillery launcher, and made ten propagandistic Tokyo Rose-like radio broadcasts in which she denounced American political and military leaders as "war criminals." She also spoke with eight American POWs at a carefully arranged "press conference," POWs who had been tortured by their North Vietnamese captors to force them to meet with Fonda, deny they had been tortured, and decry the American war effort. Fonda apparently didn't notice (or care) that the POWs were delivering their lines under duress or find it unusual the she was not allowed to visit the prisoner-of-war camp (commonly known as the "Hanoi Hilton") itself. She merely went home and told the world that "[the POWs] assured me they were in good health. When I asked them if they were brainwashed, they all laughed. Without exception, they expressed shame at what they had done." She did, however, charge that North Vietnamese POWs were systematically tortured in American prison-of-war camps.

To add insult to injury, when American POWs finally began to return home (some of them having been held captive for up to nine years) and describe the tortures they had endured at the hands of the North Vietnamese, Jane Fonda quickly told the country that they should "not hail the POWs as heroes, because they are hypocrites and liars." Fonda said the idea that the POWs she had met in Vietnam had been tortured was "laughable," claiming: "These were not men who had been tortured. These were not men who had been starved. These were not men who had been brainwashed." The POWs who said they had been tortured were "exaggerating, probably for their own self-interest," she asserted. She told audiences that "Never in the history of the United States have POWs come home looking like football players. These football players are no more heroes than Custer was. They're military careerists and professional killers" who are "trying to make themselves look self-righteous, but they are war criminals according to law."

Were Jane Fonda's actions treason, or were they the exercise of a private citizen's right to freedom of speech? At the time, the legal aspects of this question were moot: President Nixon was engaged in trying to wind down American involvement in Vietnam and had to face another election in a few months, so politically he had far more to lose than to gain by making a martyr out of a prominent anti-war activist. (No requirement in either the Constitution or federal law states that the U.S. must be engaged in a declared war, or any war at all, before charges of treason can be brought against an individual.)

On the one hand, Jane Fonda provided no tangible military assistance to the North Vietnamese: she divulged no military secrets, she gave them no money or material, and she did not interfere with the operations of the American forces. Her actions, offensive as they were to many, were primarily of propaganda value only. On the other hand, Iva Ikuko Toguri (also known as "Tokyo Rose") was convicted of treason for making propaganda broadcasts on behalf of the Japanese during World War II (although she claimed her betrayal was forced and was eventually pardoned many years later by President Gerald Ford), and Fonda's efforts could fall under the definition of "giving aid and comfort to the enemy." It is also undeniable that some American soldiers came to harm as a direct result of Fonda's actions, an outcome she should reasonably have anticipated.

…

Whether the actions Jane Fonda actually did undertake during her visit to North Vietnam were legally treasonous or not, her behavior engendered widespread contempt among servicemen and their families, especially since she acted not as a reckless youth who rashly spouted ill-considered opinions now best forgotten but as a 34-year-old adult who should be expected to bear full responsibility for her actions. Her inclusion in ABC's 30 April 1999 "A Celebration: 100 Years of Great Women" only fanned the flames of anger within many who felt she had never properly atoned for her behavior.

Ever since her infamous visit to Hanoi, Jane Fonda has maintained the fiction that she was just "trying to stop the war." But she didn't go to North Vietnam to try to bring about peace, or to reconcile the two warring sides, or to stop American boys from being killed — she went there as an active show of support for the North Vietnamese cause. She lauded the North Vietnamese military, she denounced American soldiers as "war criminals" and urged them to stop fighting, she lobbied to cut off all American economic aid to the South Vietnamese government (even after the Paris Peace Accords had ended U.S. military involvement in Vietnam), she publicly thanked the Soviets for providing assistance to the North Vietnamese, and she branded tortured American POWs as liars possessed of overactive imaginations.”

As much as I dislike Cindy Sheehan, she has yet to actually travel to Iraq, pose with the kidnappers and bomb makers and called the people who kill American heroes. Fuck Jane Fonda.

Inbreeding is bad, mmmkay?

Holy shit!

They always say that inbreeding comes with the risk of having retarded children. That's cool, you either have to be retarded in the first place or from Utah to want to inbreed anyway but I didn't think things would be this bad.

There's a family in Turkey where the parents are close relatives and all their children are mentally retarded. Nothing too out of the ordinary until you realize that not only are they retarded, they have EVOLVED FUCKING BACKWARDS!!

The inbreeding has forced them back onto all fours like monkeys and bears rather than walking on two legs like the rest of humanity. This is a big deal to scientists because they believe they can study these folks to get an idea of how we came from primitive quadrupeds to bipedal creatures.

This is a cautionary tale friends: don't hump your relatives or your children will evolve backwards. Maybe those Geico pitchmen aren't cavemen, but rather two dudes whose parents are brother and sister. In any event, Patrick Ewing can now celebrate the fact that is no longer the most primitive "human" on the planet.

You fuck *one* sheep...

A Scottish man walks into his local pub looking glum and sits down for a few drinks. The bartender pours him a shot and he slams it and continues with his gloomy demeanor. The bartender pours another shot – same thing.

After a while the bartender asks the man what’s got him so depressed. The man answers, “You see that barn over there? I built that barn with me own two hands but do they call me William the barn builder? No.”

The bartender is confused but the man continues, “You see that bridge over there? I built that bridge stone by stone with me own two hands but do they call me William the bridge builder? No. You fuck one sheep though…”

I’ve always thought that was pretty funny. Then I stumbled across the real thing. Meet Leroy Johnson (a white dude named Leroy? Huh? I digress…).

Leroy is/was a deputy chief with the Mesa Fire Department, right here in Arizona. Unfortunately, his neighbor’s daughter watched him drag one of the family lambs into the barn and, well… you can guess what’s coming. The teenage girl walked into the barn to find Leroy with his pants down lying next to said lamb. When he was later confronted by the neighbor, Alan, Leroy simply replied, “You caught me Alan, I tried to fuck your sheep.”

Leroy the sheep fucker is currently facing charges of trespassing, disorderly conduct, and public sexual indecency.

Announcement

I just wanted to let everyone know that Danny Gallego a/k/a "Lupillo Rivera" is having a concert at the Indian Casino AVA Amphitheater. Don't miss this event: Friday, April 21. Tickets went on sale last week.

Whoa... hot felons!!

So I was writing yesterday about how it was kinda hot to see a good looking woman firing a pistol. Well, there's a whole new dimension because now there is proof of hot women doing hard time. NEAT!

I've seen cable documentaries on women's prisons but the stories have usually been about of bunch of filthy rags that I wouldn't screw with your penis. Picture a less attractive Roseanne Barr in ten years with black lung, tattoos and you get an idea of what I'm talking about. Basically, late-night cable TV lied to me about the caliber of women that populate our prisons. The prospect of naked lesbian attacks lost its appeal.

Now however, there is hope. The dream is still alive! Do these chicks get conjugal visits?

Back from, well... Arizona

I am, unfortunately, back from my vacation. While it does suck to be back at work and whatnot, it was cool to check out some of the things in my own home state that I hadn’t seen up ‘til recently.

The driving force for my recent travels was Vroni, who was in the States for a visit. The first place we traveled to was Tombstone. Now, Tombstone calls itself the “Town Too Tough To Die.” What it really is, is a big and unholy tourist trap. Tombstone would have died long ago if not for the legend of Wyatt Earp, Doc Holliday and the Shootout at the O.K. Corral. The town too tough to die only exists today by whoring out that memory. All in all, it was a cool place – I’m just saying that I’m happy I didn’t have to drive more than an hour in each direction to visit it. Now that I’ve seen it, I don’t ever feel the need to go there again…

The next stop on the Arizona tour took us to Sedona. Sedona is a cool place, a direct contrast to Tombstone. There was good hiking, good eating and an overall good vibe there. We spend a day hiking around Bell Rock and some other trail before climbing up Cathedral Rock. After that strenuous climb, we kept hiking down to the creek and then back up again. I’m a walking fool but the effort had my legs cramping up on the way back. Bless whoever invented Gatorade.

Still though, after a rather strenuous day, our next stop was the Grand Canyon which pretty much kicked loads of ass. But there is a bit of a disclaimer here too. Namely: I’m glad I’ve seen it and I had a great time there but it’s another place I don’t really feel the need to visit again anytime soon. It’s a great big hole in the ground and the view is basically the same from pretty much anywhere you stop to check it out. We figured out (using checkpoints and trail guides, etc.) that we hiked over nine miles (actually, closer to ten) at the Grand Canyon. Checking the trail guide from the Sedona, we hiked close to eight miles the day before giving us a grand total of roughly 17 miles in two days. Not too shabby for my out of shape ass. Vroni is German and therefore fit, but I’m guessing that even she realizes that was quite an accomplishment.

The last thing of note was Saturday’s trip to the shooting range. Normally, this isn’t something that’s boast worthy but when one of the participants is a first time female shooter from Germany, then it’s kinda unusual. And there’s something pretty hot about a hot chick with a deadly weapon. Maybe it’s just me… Vroni kicked ass though. She wasn’t used to any other pistol so the long, long, long, looooooong draw on the Beretta’s trigger didn’t trip her up as much as it did me and Stevie. I thought the fucking gun was jammed the first time I lined up to fire it because the trigger pull was so long. I put a hole through the target stand costing me a couple of bucks in a moment of lost concentration (I paid up for a second hole in the stand that I may or may not have caused). Still though, my shooting with Ricky’s AR-15 made up for my lack of pin-point accuracy with the pistol. I was pretty consistently in the target area from 100 and 50 yards and had the shot of the day when I killed a roughly 2 inch wide by 7 inch tall piece of wood from 100 yards out. Basically, I’m Randy’s opposite: kick ass with a rifle but not as good with a pistol. Good times.