You cannot possibly be this stupid...

A letter recently appeared in the Daily Star from a person responding to Jim Kiser's pro-evolution column. This is what our letter writer had to say:

"The Sept. 4 column 'Evolution not a matter of opinion' is an opinion and it is wrong.

It seems the columnist’s main conclusion is there is a rejection of scientific knowledge [by the creationists]. The fact is Darwin was not a scientist. He dropped out of medical school and became a spiritist, like Sigmund Freud and Adolf Hitler, who were evolutionists.

I have a 928-page book, ‘Evolution Cruncher,’ that has 1,350 scientific quotes, including evolutionist. But the main book I go by is the Bible. It might be argued Adam was evolved as ‘God formed man from the dust of the ground,’ which could have been thousands of years, but Eve did not evolve. She was made from a rib while Adam slept. The so-called Christian evolutionist has led many young people astray.

Richard Lawrence”

It seems these numbskulls can’t get it through their head that what’s in the bible isn’t science and shouldn’t be taught as such. Creation is bad enough but now the bible crowd is trying to push forth a “theory” called Intelligent Design and it is actually gaining recognition from certain backward school districts. Let’s be clear on something: if you want your kids to learn about creationism or intelligent design that’s fine – but take them to Sunday school, don’t put that crap in our science classes. In order for something to qualify as science, it must originate from a process known as the scientific method. The scientific method has four steps:

1. Observation and description of a phenomenon or group of phenomena.
2. Formulation of an hypothesis to explain the phenomena. In physics, the hypothesis often takes the form of a causal mechanism or a mathematical relation.
3. Use of the hypothesis to predict the existence of other phenomena, or to predict quantitatively the results of new observations.
4. Performance of experimental tests of the predictions by several independent experimenters and properly performed experiments.

Neither creationism nor intelligent design meets a single one of those qualifications. Those theories can neither be proved nor disproved and therefore have no business in scientific textbooks or classrooms. Simply saying “we don’t know the details on evolution so it must have been god” is not science.

As for our idiot letter writer, notice how he attempts to equate Darwin with Hitler in a pathetic attempt to discredit Darwin. He then states that Darwin wasn’t a scientist because he was a medical school dropout. Well, Einstein dropped out of secondary school in Munich – was he not a scientist? Does that render his theories invalid? Does that mean that mass cannot be turned into energy (E=mc²) and nuclear/atomic weapons do not exist? See how much simpler the world becomes when you shut your brain off and let the bible do your thinking for you?

Lawrence states that “the main book I go by is the bible.” Is this the same bible that sanctions selling your daughter in to slavery (Exodus 21:7)? The same bible that demands death for those that work on the Sabbath (Exodus 35:2)? The same bible that forbids the trimming of your hair around the temple and at the edges of your beard (Leviticus 19:27)?

Read the bible, go to church, celebrate your god in your own way but keep faith masquerading as science out of scientific textbooks and science classrooms. Or at least give the Flying Spaghetti Monster equal credence.

Why I love Germany and Soccer.

Bitberger is offering 10,000 liters of free beer to the fans of the first team that beats Bayern München in the Bundesliga. FCB has won 15 straight games in the league dating back to last season. Bitburger is going to add 1,000 liters to their pledge for every game until the FCB is defeated.

Awesome!

Global Warming Threatens Planet!!

Mars - not Earth.

This article goes into some of the details as discovered by the Global Surveyor spacecraft. How is this possible? There aren't humans around to fuck that planet up? Could it be that it's a NATURAL CYCLE, INDEPENDENT OF HUMAN ACTIVITY!? Nah... that can't be. It has to be America's fault somehow...

Bearing Down in Baghdad

This e-mail made its rounds among the UA alumni listserv. This guy rules...




"cat fans...

although the opener was a dissapointment (i was able to catch the last 5 minutes, to include the painful 3rd and 5 dropped pass, of the 4th quarter on afn sports before my mission launch), i personally was all geared up for the start of the season and wanted to share the photo. i was able to track down a set of u of a football helmet stickers on ebay, had them shipped to my apo
address and cut a deal with my alse tech to slap 'em on my brain bucket...whatcha' think?

i'm sure that some hardcore "army" type will take exception at my inability to conform at some point but i'll welcome that tongue lashing when it comes and see how it goes...i figure it's the least i could do for my wildcats who i can't be there for this year, right?

red and blue,

t

p.s. i've even got the red and blue stripes down the center."

El gigante es muerte!

The United States has clinched a spot in the 2006 World Cup finals thanks to a 2-0 victory on Saturday. Qualifying for the World Cup is always a big deal but this victory was particularly sweet due to the fact that it came against our main rivals: the backward shithole of a country known as Mexico.

There are few things in the sporting world that I hate as much as Mexican soccer and, conversely, few things that bring me as much pleasure as beating them. The whole bunch of them are a gang of shit-talking retards and cheap shot artists. When their loss was all but assured against us in the 2002 World Cup, their hard tackles started to border on assault. After the game concluded, instead of trading shirts with the US, they players refused to participate in the tradition and turned tail and stomped back to their locker rooms. Fuck them if they can’t take their beating with dignity.

I reckon a large part of their animosity towards us stems from the fact that they are now inferior to the United States in every aspect of their existence. They look to their northern border and see a country that is more prosperous, more influential and offers better opportunities to its citizens than their own country. Their citizens are so desperate to escape their own country, much like rats on a sinking ship, that they risk DEATH crossing our deserts just to pick lettuce or work jobs at less than minimum wage. The ONE SINGLE THING that they could do better than the U.S. was play soccer. And that is no longer true. Let’s look at our soccer results since the turn of the century:

• June 11, 2000 – 3-0 victory for the United States (East Rutherford, NJ)
• October 25, 2000 – 2-0 victory for the United States (Los Angeles, CA)
• February 28, 2001 – 2-0 victory for the United States (Columbus, OH)
• July 1, 2001 – 1-0 victory for Mexico (Mexico City, Mexico)
• April 3, 2002 – 1-0 victory for the United States (Denver, CO)
• June 17, 2002 – 2-0 victory for the United States (Jeonju, South Korea [World Cup])
• May 8, 2003 – 0-0 Tie (Houston, TX)
• April 28, 2004 – 1-0 victory for the United States (Dallas, TX)
• March 27, 2005 – 2-1 victory for Mexico (Mexico City, Mexico)
• September 3, 2005 – 2-0 victory for the United States (Columbus, OH)

That’s a record of 7-1-2 and a +11 goal differential over a five year span. The only place they have a chance against us is Estadio Azteca, one of the most intimidating venues in the entire world. Mexico hasn’t managed to score a single goal on the United States anywhere except Mexico City in a 5+ year span. That one thing that they could point to with pride, the one thing they were better than the United States at has been taken away from them. Landon Donovan has had the most to say on the situation: “ I think that's what angers them about us. We have lives beyond soccer. For a lot of them they don't, players, coaches, people in Mexico, that's what they have. It's almost what makes it sweeter to beat them.” Indeed Landon.

He also answers the question of who’s best in the region quite nicely: “No matter how many time you beat them its always 'who’s the best team in CONCACAF.' Why don't you look at the results? It's pretty clear. That's why they're talking and say what they do, because they can't do it on the field.”

What exactly are “they” saying? Well, there’s Luis Hernandez telling Donovan that he would find his (Donovan’s) mother and kill her during the loss in the 2002 World Cup. Or there are the comments that goalie Oswaldo Sanchez made about Donovan’s mother in a magazine interview. Or there are coach Ricardo LaVolpe’s comments after Saturday’s loss, “Here, everyone's interested in baseball and American football and many people didn't even know that a soccer match was being played today. So it's easy for them, because they aren't playing under any pressure. My mother, my grandmother or my great grandmother could play in a team like that."

Is that right Ricardo? Could they dominate your sorry ass too?

LaVolpe does make an interesting point though – one the rest of the world should take notice of: soccer IS NOT the primary sport in the United States and we aren’t fielding the best athletes in our country. America is barely emerging as a soccer power. Most kids that have athletic skills are shepherded into other sports such as football, baseball or basketball. Imagine Terrell Owens as a target man on a set piece or Allen Iverson as a shifty midfielder. I’m not knocking our current squad – they have more than proven themselves capable in international and club competition – I’m just pointing out that we lose quality athletes to other sports whereas soccer is the ONLY option in a whole lot of other players. Things are changing though and there are certainly good times ahead for United States soccer fans.

As for Mexico? "They suck." Donovan later added, "Hopefully this shuts them up for the next four years." He later told the Mexican press, “I just hate all the talking, all the blah blah they always talk. (Mexicans) think they're the best, even though we've beaten them over and over.”

Not only has our quality of play improved dramatically, we have young players coming up to sustain this rise to prominence. But, perhaps most importantly, the American soccer players’ attitudes are coming around as well. Like I said, good times are ahead for United States soccer fans.