Phone Tracer

You know how when you travel, your cell phone always knows what time it is, even if you change time zones? That's because there's a little GPS unit in there. Now you can trace someone else's location using the GPS in their cell phones with this site.

This is a quite disturbing, but not for the reasons you might think.

America and the war

I haven't done anything political in a while so now I wanted to share something written by an Iraq war veteran. Some background: he wrote this letter to his daughter and it was only supposed to be sent to her if he was killed. Well... he wasn't killed and now he's a writer. He mentioned the letter in a previous column and was asked to share it so he did. Here it is in full:

"Dear Blair
By J.B. Smith
Friday, January 12, 2007

So many people have written me and mentioned the excerpt from the letter I had written to my daughter in last week’s guest column, I decided to print the entire letter. I know there are probably a few errors in here – both of fact and of grammar. This wasn’t intended to be read by the public and I wrote it long hand during down time in my training, so please forgive those. The reason for my making it public is to remind people both of why our country is the greatest on earth and why we are fighting.

Dear Blair,

Happy 26th birthday! I hope all is going well for you in work and life in general.

This year I want to venture into a subject you may find curious I haven't addressed earlier - what being an American meant to me and how do I feel about having given my life for it. The reason I have never addressed it is because I wanted you to make your own feelings clear. After all, you gave up a lot for your country as well, and I am very aware of how much you lost, so I don't make the following text of this letter with anything less than the gravest consideration.

First of all, I think that America is the greatest country on earth and a nation that has done more good, saved more lives, and freed more people than any other - and second place isn't close. Now, this doesn't mean we have been perfect. We definitely haven't. We have supported some bad people over the years, we have acted arrogantly on occasion and we have formed and executed some bad policies.

From the start of the last century, it has been the American government and people that have defeated more evil than any other. We provided the "tipping" power in WWI; we were largely responsible for the defeat of Germany (with a big assist from Russia), and we were almost solely responsible for the defeat of Japan; we protected South Korea from communists in the '50s; we fought on the right side in Vietnam, although our defeat there was largely due to our not understanding the enemy (the US portion of involvement led to about 2M total deaths - after the fall of Saigon, the communist purges left over 3M dead, not including when the communists subsequently invaded Cambodia and Laos. Don't let anyone tell you we were on the wrong side); we supported the contras in Nicaragua against the communists that were killing people by the tens of thousands; we liberated Kuwait from Iraq; we were largely responsible for ending the carnage in Bosnia; we helped bring some order to Haiti; we brought real democracy to Panama. Along the way we supported some bad people - some of which we had to go back and correct our mistakes on, such as the Taliban, Saddam Hussein, and Manuel Noriega in Panama. The reason we had a mixed record in the 20th Century is because no one took more at bats (save the Soviet Union and they were always on the side of evil). A lot of those countries that were protesting my war lacked the will, the means and the courage to enter the arena. They opposed the war for various reasons, money (in the case of France, Russia and Germany) and jealousy being the two largest.

Let's look at my war. As you know, on Sep 11, 2001, planes hijacked by Arab Muslim terrorists crashed into the twin towers in New York and the Pentagon in DC and killed about 3,000 Americans - I saw the smoke from the pentagon out my office window in Virginia. Following that, America launched a Global War on Terror. We struck Afghanistan, the country that had provided the safe harbor for the organization that perpetrated the attacks. It was run by a group of fundamentalist Muslims looking to create an ideal Muslim state. They perpetrated numerous civil rights abuses and cultural crimes (destroying 2,000 year old monuments). We largely let it go unnoticed until this event (Sep 11) took place. We quickly toppled the government then went looking for the next target.

Iraq had been a thorn in our sides since '90. We had to evict Saddam Hussein from Kuwait, and made a strategic mistake when we left him in power. We had to leave a garrison of troops behind in Kuwait and Saudi Arabia and we had to have planes patrolling Iraq’s skies. We pushed oppressive sanctions thru the United Nations because of Hussein's refusal to cooperate with international inspectors. By and large, we basically left the policy stagnant thru the 90s - except during a couple of periods in '98 when Iraq's resistance to inspectors took a new found importance - I'll let you figure out the whys and the whens on that. But by and large we were basically content to let the sanctions run their course.

However, Sep 11th inflicted a paradigm shift on our country's policy. The country now treated international terrorism as a threat to the survival of humanity. This terrorism doesn't happen in a vacuum. Al Qaeda had an estimated 2500-5000 fighters in Sep 01. These people need assets and places to train, live, eat and exist. Afghanistan had provided this safe harbor. Evidence arose that suggested that Saddam Hussein had had contacts with Al Qaeda, although no specific evidence exists of a 9/11 - Saddam connection. Hussein had also pursued weapons of mass destruction and had used them in the past. Most likely, he would have had nuclear weapons if not for an act of unilateralism by Israel that knocked out his nuclear reactors. Also, he had invaded a neighbor in the recent past. Had he succeeded in getting weapons of mass destruction and had passed them to terrorists, those people could subsequently use them against civilian targets. I don't know what they are saying about the war as you read this; I will guess that most academics are saying it was a gross blunder by Bush. But it is important to know that in 2002 before the war, there was a uniformly good faith opinion that Saddam Hussein did have weapons banned by his 1991 surrender, including weapons of mass destruction. Now, I have always felt that the primary role of the government is to provide for the safety of its populace. That needs to come before schools, roads, social security, Medicare and anything else you can name. If removing a dictator with a large list of human rights violations can markedly increase our security at a minimal cost, it isn't an unreasonable course of action.

The second benefit is the expansion of larger US security goals - namely the spread of democracy. As I write this, 60% of Middle easterners are under 25. Unemployment is over 25% in these countries and the governments are uniformly corrupt. This is an untenable situation. There’s also the frustration of the people there. At one time the Middle East was the most advanced society on earth, and now it is just about the most backwards. Fanning these flames are the holy men who tell them that they are great and they would have their just rewards if not for the infidels of the West. This tactic of blaming others has been around as long as politics and has been used everywhere, from Hitler's Germany and the Jews to the American South and the Blacks. The Mid-Easterners didn't invent it, they are just exploiting a sure power getter. All of these ingredients can't help but fuel resentment and violence in due time. In order to secure the American people, democracy had to be spread to the region because democratic governments are far less prone to going to war and they are far less prone to internal strife and violence. The process couldn't help but be messy, but it was necessary.

Obviously, I don't know how this experiment worked out, but you do. If Iraq is a democratic nation now, or if Iran, Syria, Lebanon, Saudi, Kuwait or one of the others has become democratic, then the war was worth it. However, if we pulled out because we lost too many soldiers and got out in an act of political expediency, then I did die in vain.

Also, as an aside, sometimes some moron who is protesting a war will ask people "would you give your life to do “X'" such as take a certain crossroads or a single building. Most people will say no. But it is the wrong question. Wars are step-by-step processes and most people don't want to feel that they lost their lives, or the lives of loved ones for a small step in the war. So while I don't know how I met my end, I will give you an example. If someone were to ask me if I would give my life so that Hassan Habib could learn how to throw a grenade - I assure you I would say no. But, if the question is "would you give your life so that Iraq can have a quality army that will allow the withdrawal of US forces and help assure the success of democracy in the country and overall increase the level of security for the US population over the world?" I would say yes, it is a cause worth dying for.

I want you to understand something - there have to be causes worth dying for. If there is nothing worth dying for, then nothing is really worth living for. Our forefathers from all over the world, willingly gave up all of their worldly possessions to travel here because of their desire to improve not only their own lives, but also the lives of their children (as an aside, often the immigrants’ own lives were worse than before after coming here). These people risked their lives settling our country, facing hardships and dangers I cannot fully appreciate. They gave up a relatively cushy relationship with England as colonies in order to wage a war for independence that would leave 9 thousand Americans dead - at a time when our overall population was less than 5 million. Most of the signers of the Declaration of Independence lost all of their worldly possessions and either died in battle or in poverty. This country exists because those men had the courage to fight and the wisdom to understand the urgency and necessity. All of the good this country has done over the years was only possible because of the selfless acts of these men.

The earth has been in existence for over four billion years. Human beings have roamed the earth for over 250,000 years. Modern man has been here for over 50,000 years, and it has been over 2,000 years since Christ walked the earth, 1,500 since Mohammad died, 1,300 years since the last Gladiator battles in Rome, and 250 years since our country was born. We are only on this earth for a short time. The only way to make a lasting contribution to is by contributing to a cause greater than ourselves, and the first step there is recognizing that some things, some ideals, are worth more than a relatively short extra time on earth.

Blair, please know that I am crying as I write this, thinking of never being able to hold you, never hearing you say in a clear voice "Daddy, I love you," never attending any of your events, never seeing you off to prom, never seeing you graduate, not being able to walk you down the aisle on your wedding day. Know that it kills me in a way you will not be able to understand until you have your own kids. The pain and sadness I feel are unbearable. So please know that when I write these words, I take them with the strictest seriousness.

Blair, I hope that you understand these beliefs I have, even if you may not agree with them. I can't appreciate what it was like growing up with only one parent (if your mother never remarried) or having a step father because you lost me to a war. But please know that I regret everything you have gone thru.

Blair, I love you and continue to watch over you.
Love,Daddy.

J.B. Smith served in Iraq from December 2004 to September 2005 as an advisor to three Iraqi Infantry Battalions.

He previously served on active duty from 1992-1999 in the US, Korea, Germany and Bosnia. He lives with his family in North Carolina."

I survived the hurricane!

I am glad to report that I have (thus far) escaped serious injury and have weathered the “hurricane” that blasted through Europe yesterday and last night. “Hurricane?” you might be tempted to ask. I also asked that question. But sure enough the papers and news shows were talking about an “Orkan,” so I looked it up to confirm its meaning. I had previously thought that a hurricane involved twisting fury of a tropical storm but apparently it means stronger than usual wind-gusts. Who am I to quibble? I’m not meteorologist…

Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to pooh-pooh the seriousness of the storm we survived last night. It might not have been Katrina or anything but let me tell you, it did knock an a-frame sign right the fuck over. That’s serious shit. It also sent a great stone hurtling into my eyeball. And by great stone, I mean speck of dust of course. The news reports warned people to stay inside after 4 p.m. And many of them did. My jobless class was only half-full because everyone else had gone home to board themselves into their storm shelters. It was so bad that the streets were empty when I came home and wandered the avenue looking for a nice rotisserie chicken (true story. And they were out of chicken so I put myself at great, great risk for nothing at all). I sought my dinner in spite of a dire warning from Kathi’s sister and notice that someone had been killed in Munich. I thought to myself, “now surely it was a old fart, a child or retard.” It was a child. Three points for me!

It did gust pretty strong but let’s get serious, this was no fucking hurricane. Why should I be surprised though? This is a country where Arctic expedition gear is required for the local populace when the temperatures drop below the 50s. They wear sweaters and scarves INDOORS when the temperature drops below the 50s. They call in sick with “bad circulation” (how do you even know you have that? Try that shit in the States and see what happens…). “Durable” is not an adjective that applies to the German-folk. Are these really the people that threatened freedom in Europe just 60 years ago? I like this place but it’s hard to take it seriously sometimes.

Hitler needs a new car

Oh Hitler, when will you ever stop being funny? In this wacky clip, der Führer needs to replace his stolen auto and finds his options less than satisfactory.

(standard disclaimer: Hitler isn't really funny. But this clip is.)

You're effing crazy!!

Here's my favorite law enforcement video. The dude flips his shit after being pulled over for speeding. It's been a favorite of mine for years and now I've finally found the video. I could make a crack about this screaming, semi-functional retard being a Clinton voter (wait for it, it's near the end) but I won't.

Rules of Drinking

The original can be found at Modern Drunkard's website. Learn them and love them. Well... most of them. Some are crap but most are solid:

1. If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar. Preferably during happy hour.

2. Always toast before doing a shot.

3. Whoever buys the shot gets the first chance to offer a toast.

4. Change your toast at least once a month.

5. Buying someone a drink is five times better than a handshake.

6. Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is dumb.

7. Never borrow more than one cigarette from the same person in one night.

8. When the bartender is slammed, resist the powerful urge to order a slightly-dirty, very-dry, in-and-out, super-chilled half-and-half martini with a lemon twist. Limit orders to beer, straight shots and two-part cocktails.

9. Get the bartender's attention with eye contact and a smile.

10. Do not make eye contact with the bartender if you do not want a drink.

11. Unacceptable things to say after doing a shot: Great, now I’m going to get drunk. I hate shots. It’s coming back up.

12. Never, ever tell a bartender he made your drink too strong.

13. If he makes it too weak, order a double next time. He'll get the message.

14. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she does not like you.

15. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she accepts, she still might not like you.

16. If she buys you a drink, she likes you.

17. If someone offers to buy you a drink, do not upgrade your liquor preference.

18. Always have a corkscrew in your house.

19. If you don't have a corkscrew, push the cork down into the bottle with a pen.

20. Drink one girly drink in public and you will forever be known as the guy who drinks girly drinks.

21. Our parents were better drinkers than we are.

22. Never talk to someone in the restroom unless you're doing the same thing—urinating, waiting in line or washing your hands.

23. Girls hang out, apply make-up, and have long talks in the bathroom. Men do not.

24. After your sixth drink, do not look at yourself in the mirror. It will shake your confidence.

25. It is only permissible to shout 'woo-hoo!' if you are doing a shot with four or more people.

26. If there is a d.j., you can request a song only once per night. If he doesn't play it within half an hour, do not approach him again. If he does play it, do not approach him again.

27. Learn how to make a rose out of a bar napkin. You'll be surprised how well it works.

28. If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to drink in a bar. Go to the liquor store.

29. If you owe someone twenty dollars or less, you may pay them back in beer.

30. Never complain about the quality or brand of a free drink.

31. If you have been roommates with someone more than six months, you may drink all their beer, even if it's hidden, as long as you leave them one.

32. You can have a shot of their hard liquor only if the cap has been cracked and the bottle goes for less than $25.

33. The only thing that tastes better than free liquor is stolen liquor.

34. If you bring Old Milwaukee to a party, you must drink at least two cans before you start drinking the imported beer in the fridge.

35. Learn to appreciate hangovers. If it was all good times every jackass would be doing it.

36. If you ever feel depressed, get out a bartender’s guide and browse through all the drinks you’ve never tried.

37. Try one new drink each week.

38. If you are the bar's sole customer, you are obliged to make small talk with the bartender until he stops acknowledging you. Then you're off the hook. The same goes for him.

39. Never tip with coins that have touched you. If your change is $1.50, you can tell the barmaid to keep the change, but once she has handed it to you, you cannot give it back. To a bartender or cocktail waitress, small change has no value.

40. If you have ever told a bartender, “Hey, it all spends the same,” then you are a cheap ass.

41. Anyone on stage or behind a bar is fifty percent better looking.

42. You can tell how hard a drinker someone is by how close they keep their drink to their mouth.

43. A bar is a college, not a nursery. If you spill a beer, clean it up. If you break a glass, wait for a staff member to clean it up, then blame it on someone else.

44. Being drunk is feeling sophisticated without being able to say it.

45. It's okay to drink alone.

46. After three drinks, you will forget a woman's name two seconds after she tells you. The rest of the night you will call her “baby” or “darling”.

47. Nothing screams 'nancy boy' louder than swirling an oversized brandy snifter.

48. Men don't drink from straws. Unless you're doing a Mind or Face Eraser.

49. If you do a shot, finish it. If you don't plan to finish it, don't accept it.

50. Never brood in a dance bar. Never dance in a dive bar.

51. Never play more than three songs by the same artist in a row.

52. Your songs will come on as you're leaving the bar.

53. Never yell out jukebox selections to someone you don't know.

54. Never lie in a bar. You may, however, grossly exaggerate and lean.

55. If you think you might be slurring a little, then you are slurring a lot. If you think you are slurring a lot, then you are not speaking English.

56. Screaming, “Someone buy me a drink!” has never worked.

57. For every drink, there is a five percent better chance you will get in a fight. There is also a three percent better chance you will lose the fight.

58. Fighting an extremely drunk person when you are sober is hilarious.

59. If you are broke and a friend is “sporting you”, you must laugh at all his jokes and play wingman when he makes his move.

60. If you are broke and a friend is “making sport of you”, you may steal any drink he leaves unattended.

61. Never rest your head on a table or bar top. It is the equivalent of voluntarily putting your head on a chopping block.

62. If you are trading rounds with a friend and he asks if you're ready for another, always say yes. Once you fall out of sync you will end up buying more drinks than him.

63. If you're going to hit on a member of the bar staff, make sure you tip well before and after, regardless of her response.

64. The people with the most money are rarely the best tippers.

65. Before you die, single-handedly make one decent martini.

66. Asking a bartender what beers are on tap when the handles are right in front of you is the equivalent of saying, “I'm an idiot.”

67. Never ask a bartender “what's good tonight?” They do not fly in the scotch fresh from the coast every morning.

68. If there is a line for drinks, get your goddamn drink and step the hell away from the bar.

69. If there is ever any confusion, the fuller beer is yours.

70. The patrons at your local bar are your extended family, your fathers and mothers, your brothers and sisters. Except you get to sleep with these sisters. And if you're really drunk, the mothers.

71. It's acceptable, traditional in fact, to disappear during a night of hard drinking. You will appear mysterious and your friends will understand. If they even notice.

72. Never argue your tab at the end of the night. Remember, you're hammered and they’re sober. It's akin to a precocious five-year-old arguing the super-string theory with a physicist. 99.9% of the time you're wrong and either way you're going to come off as a jackass.

73. If you bring booze to a party, you must drink it or leave it.

74. If you hesitate more than three seconds after the bartender looks at you, you do not deserve a drink.

75. Beer makes you mellow, champagne makes you silly, wine makes you dramatic, tequila makes you felonious.

76. The greatest thing a drunkard can do is buy a round of drinks for a packed bar.

77. Never preface a conversation with a bartender with “I know this is going to be a hassle, but . . .”

78. When you’re in a bar and drunk, your boss is just another guy begging for a fat lip. Unless he’s buying.

79. If you are 86’d, do not return for at least three months. To come back sooner makes it appear no other bar wants you.

80. Anyone with three or more drinks in his hands has the right of way.

81. If you’re going to drink on the job, drink vodka. It’s the no-tell liquor.

82. There’s nothing wrong with drinking before noon. Especially if you’re supposed to be at work.

83. The bar clock moves twice as fast from midnight to last call.

84. A flask engraved with a personal message is one of the best gifts you can ever give. And make sure there’s something in it.

85. On the intimacy scale, sharing a quiet drink is between a handshake and a kiss.

86. You will forget every one of these rules by your fifth drink.

Sterilization Products

I’ve just remembered and resurrected an old idea that may very well save the human race: the Sterilization Products. Actually, in their first incarnation, I had dubbed them Death Products but it seems I have softened in my older years.

A Sterilization product is simply this: a product that reflects the baffling stupidity of the buyer. A buyer who has, by virtue their demonstrated idiocy, forfeited their right to reproduce and infect the rest of humanity with their sure-to-be-brain-dead spawn. If you purchase a flagged item, you lose the right to procreate. Simply put: if you’re dumb enough to buy a Sterilization Product, you are no longer fit to bring children into this world.

Answer me this: have you ever seen a bison with Down ’s syndrome? Actually, I’ll answer that for you: NO you fucking haven’t! And why? Because in nature, the Down’s bison gets eaten by a lion and it’s defective genes are removed from the herd. Now I’m not suggesting that we should feed Down’s syndrome kids to lions (I AM suggesting we feed midgets to lions though. That makes for good news stories…), I’m simply pointing out that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. If we keep imbeciles from reproducing in the first place, doesn’t that make the Earth a better place for everyone? So without further ado, here are some suggestions for some sterilization products:

• Tie-dye apparel (no more hippies)
• Techno music cds (no more ravers)
• Emo music cds (no more whiny emo wusses)
• Robbie Williams cds (no more Europeans)
• Pink shirts (no more metrosexuals)
• Dallas Cowboy, Boston Red Sox, NY Yankee Merchandise (no more Cowboy, Red Sox or Yankee fans)
• Neon silk shirts (no more tonks)
• Tofu (no more vegetarians/vegans)
• Tabloid newspapers (self-explanatory)
• WWJD merchandise (also self-explanatory)

Keep in mind, this is not a comprehensive list – just a beginning. Woe to all when I’m the Most Exalted Supreme Ruler.

A Short Reader

Just a couple of quick links today. I've been saving these to post later but I keep putting it off and now I'm sick of having these links clutter up my favorites so I'm going to do it sampler style.

Some Good News

People getting killed isn't usually good news... unless it's a convicted chomo. Check out the grandfather's reaction to the situation.

Speed Bandits

Denmark has found a novel way to control speeding. They should bring this to the U.S.

Secret Letter From Iraq

This was written by an anonymous soldier. Not really for the war and not really against the war but an interesting point of view.

Atheism

The first two are written by Sam Harris, author of "The End of Faith" (highly recommended by me. Check it out).

Letter to a Christian and
An Atheist Manifesto

The third is from Paul Bloom

Is God An Accident?