Germany Part I
Holy shit, it’s been a long time since I’ve written anything here. But hey, that’ll happen when your life becomes a monotonous routine. Nothing ever happens, so there’s nothing to write about. That, however, all changed about a week and a half ago. You’re probably wondering how my trip to Germany has been. Well, punk ass, you’re about to find out.
It started off Sunday the 27th of September. The kind folks at Delta were awesome enough to create a flight out of Tucson at 6:10am. The kind folks at the TSA are awesome enough to suggest that you arrive two hours early for international flights making the math something like A+B= no fucking sleep.
After a quick cab to the airport, we (Kathi’s sister and I flew over together) were informed that our flight’s departure time had been changed to approximately 7:30. That would have been a key piece of information before getting to the airport. Delta DID send a notice. It just so happened that this noticed arrived in my inbox after I’d already arrived at the airport, making it pretty fucking useless indeed. We boarded at our newly scheduled time and flew to Atlanta without incident. Incident found us in Atlanta though.
It just so happened that Kathi’s sister is retarded about her pet rat. As it turns out, it needs to bathe in sand to keep its coat clean. That, in and of itself, is goddam ridiculous. That’s like saying I need to smear shit on myself to keep from stinking, but whatever. Kathi’s sister was unsatisfied with the sand for purchase in Germany. Since the USA is the world’s capital for all things ass-kickingly awesome, she took advantage of her trip to purchase our super-ultra high-quality… chinchilla sand. Fucking gay, I know. Even gayer still was the fact that she decided to take this sand along in her carry-on luggage. Have you ever tried to bring a very fine, and very unmarked, sand along with you through airport security? It was fortunate for us that the damn flight was delayed after all.
I mention all this because we had to go back through airport security in Atlanta. With the sand again. You see, our flight landed in the B terminal and our next flight left from the E terminal which is – literally – about a mile from the B terminal. Having been cooped up in a plane for a long while though, I thought I’d do like I always do and just walk the distance. It gets the blood pumping again, and kills some of the time on a 4-hour layover. We walked the wrong way though and left the secure area, so we had to go back through security at one of the busiest airports in the country. Kathi’s sister wasn’t amused. I bit my tongue and let her be pissed off. I wasn’t the one that thought it’d be a good idea to take sand in my carry-on bag.
Amazingly though, the security was much easier in Atlanta. They have a much higher volume of people that they have to screen, so the logical solution is for them to do a half-assed job. That makes things much quicker.
The rest of the Atlanta lay-over was kosher. All until we boarded the plane. Luckily for us, the three most loud mouthed and idiotic cunts in all of California were sitting just behind and to the left of us. These three people are the reason the world hates the US. No volume control, obscenities in public, bragging about how much they could drink, and so on. Just obnoxious. But hey, Obama’s the President now, so maybe these chicks were actually charming to our European counterparts on the flight.
Everything else went off without a hitch and we arrived at Kathi’s sister’s apartment. I was greeted with a “Charmed” welcome mat. These are the kinds of things you see in the SkyMall catalogue and wonder, “who the fuck are the people that actually buy things like this?” My girlfriend is. That’s who.
Flo was at the apartment when we arrived. He’s Kathi’s boyfriend. He works in a middle part of Germany, but wanted to go to the Oktoberfest with us so he chilled in Munich for one day. It was fantastic that he was there, because, in addition to being a cool dude, he knows the password to the apartment’s secure wireless network. So after getting connected to the internet and showering up, the next logical thing to do was to go to the Oktoberfest.
It started off Sunday the 27th of September. The kind folks at Delta were awesome enough to create a flight out of Tucson at 6:10am. The kind folks at the TSA are awesome enough to suggest that you arrive two hours early for international flights making the math something like A+B= no fucking sleep.
After a quick cab to the airport, we (Kathi’s sister and I flew over together) were informed that our flight’s departure time had been changed to approximately 7:30. That would have been a key piece of information before getting to the airport. Delta DID send a notice. It just so happened that this noticed arrived in my inbox after I’d already arrived at the airport, making it pretty fucking useless indeed. We boarded at our newly scheduled time and flew to Atlanta without incident. Incident found us in Atlanta though.
It just so happened that Kathi’s sister is retarded about her pet rat. As it turns out, it needs to bathe in sand to keep its coat clean. That, in and of itself, is goddam ridiculous. That’s like saying I need to smear shit on myself to keep from stinking, but whatever. Kathi’s sister was unsatisfied with the sand for purchase in Germany. Since the USA is the world’s capital for all things ass-kickingly awesome, she took advantage of her trip to purchase our super-ultra high-quality… chinchilla sand. Fucking gay, I know. Even gayer still was the fact that she decided to take this sand along in her carry-on luggage. Have you ever tried to bring a very fine, and very unmarked, sand along with you through airport security? It was fortunate for us that the damn flight was delayed after all.
I mention all this because we had to go back through airport security in Atlanta. With the sand again. You see, our flight landed in the B terminal and our next flight left from the E terminal which is – literally – about a mile from the B terminal. Having been cooped up in a plane for a long while though, I thought I’d do like I always do and just walk the distance. It gets the blood pumping again, and kills some of the time on a 4-hour layover. We walked the wrong way though and left the secure area, so we had to go back through security at one of the busiest airports in the country. Kathi’s sister wasn’t amused. I bit my tongue and let her be pissed off. I wasn’t the one that thought it’d be a good idea to take sand in my carry-on bag.
Amazingly though, the security was much easier in Atlanta. They have a much higher volume of people that they have to screen, so the logical solution is for them to do a half-assed job. That makes things much quicker.
The rest of the Atlanta lay-over was kosher. All until we boarded the plane. Luckily for us, the three most loud mouthed and idiotic cunts in all of California were sitting just behind and to the left of us. These three people are the reason the world hates the US. No volume control, obscenities in public, bragging about how much they could drink, and so on. Just obnoxious. But hey, Obama’s the President now, so maybe these chicks were actually charming to our European counterparts on the flight.
Everything else went off without a hitch and we arrived at Kathi’s sister’s apartment. I was greeted with a “Charmed” welcome mat. These are the kinds of things you see in the SkyMall catalogue and wonder, “who the fuck are the people that actually buy things like this?” My girlfriend is. That’s who.
Flo was at the apartment when we arrived. He’s Kathi’s boyfriend. He works in a middle part of Germany, but wanted to go to the Oktoberfest with us so he chilled in Munich for one day. It was fantastic that he was there, because, in addition to being a cool dude, he knows the password to the apartment’s secure wireless network. So after getting connected to the internet and showering up, the next logical thing to do was to go to the Oktoberfest.
posted by Sivlitz at 6:51 AM
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