Yeah, yeah… we get it…

I’ve got a good 25 minute drive to work everyday and it gives me plenty of opportunity to scope out different cars. One that I see regularly is that doofus looking Prius. There are certain Priui (I don’t know the plural of Prius so I’m making up my own) that piss me off more than others though.

A little bit of clarification first: I don’t have a thing against hybrid technology. Actually, truth be told, it’s pretty cool shit. Secondly, I don’t have a thing against the way the Prius drives. I’ve had plenty of opportunity to drive them and they’ve got pep, they’re decently comfortable and the displays are pretty cool.

I just hate Prius owners.

Let’s be blunt: you buy a Prius so you can be seen driving a Prius. You pick up a 36-month lease on being a condescending prick. There are plenty of other hybrid options; the Escape, Civic and Accord come to mind immediately and there are plenty more. So why buy a Prius specifically. As I said, they drive well, BUT the visibility to your sides and back is shit. And while the displays are cool, on the exterior, it looks like… a Prius. Given the chance to drive a hybrid Accord or Prius, the choice is pretty easy. But when you get the Toyota, there’s no doubt that you’re a better human being than the other polluters on the road.

Which brings me back to my original point: the Priui that piss me off more than others are the ones with Obama/Biden stickers on the back. Hey dipshit: YOU’RE DRIVING A PRIUS, I KNOW YOU VOTED FOR OBAMA! The Prius is a drivable Obama bumper sticker. Show me a Prius with a McCain/Palin sticker or an NRA sticker, and I’ll show you a Prius owner whose friends played a joke on him/her.



So what do certain things say about people? Well, in the car world they say these things:

SmartCar – You were waffling between this and the Prius.
Old car with Bondo all over it – You’re poor
1986 Nissan Sentra with all the windows down – You’re from sonora mexico
Large truck with no dirt but big wheels and an 18” lift – You have a microscopic penis
El Camino – You rule
Volvo – You are a square
New vehicle without power options – You’re my dad
Cobalt that’s all riced out – You believe you can polish a turd
White van – You molest children

Of course, we’re not limited to cars those. What about…

Apple computers – You’re dream car is a Prius. Or SmartCar
Grateful Dead t-shirt – You’re in favor of legalizing pot
Afflition or Tapout clothes – You think owning MMA clothes makes you tough
Pitbull dogs – You think owning a certain dog makes you tough
Italia t-shirt – You like sodomy. From the receiving end

And finally:

Black t-shirt and cargo pants – You are comfortably dressed. And Awesome.