Part II – Santiago de Compostela

Saturday, March 10th

I woke up Saturday and was still exhausted as the bed in our hotel was absolute shit. Normally, I’m down with a soft mattress but this one was so soft me and Kathi’s sister would slide into the middle of the bed and lay in a sort of valley since there was no support in this bed.

We drove into the city and she STILL couldn’t fucking park. She was ambitious enough to try to back into a parking space but even with out any obstacles or hindrances she couldn’t manage. That is bad enough but she had to abandon her plans to back into a space and just tried to pull in forward and she couldn’t even do THAT. Ridiculous.

We ate churros for breakfast and I finally found a shop that sold some decent Galician memorabilia. We did some sightseeing in the city and ambled around at a relaxed pace. We got to the cathedral and it was insane. From there we went to the park which has a view of the entire city. We then made our way to the Museo do Pobo Galego (roughly: People of Galicia museum) but didn’t have too much time as we were kicked out due to it being siesta time. We went back to the car to drop of some of the stuff we had bought in the city and also to collect our bearings before heading out to get something to eat. I had to try the Caldo Gallego (I actually wanted to try the Chorizo Gallego at a different place earlier but the waitress started asking me questions I didn’t understand so I just turned around and left the place). The caldo was ok but it was just the appetizer before I had some more Raxo.

We strolled around a bit after that and then bought some stuff to eat at a supermarket. After that I found a hole in the wall place where I could get a haircut. I need to explain something first: my hair was getting shaggy and I was in desperate need of a trim. The problem was, my work schedule made it impossible to get one before the trip but there was a slight hope of getting one the day that we left. Kathi’s sister, however, kept pestering me to remember that we had to be on the way to the airport by 9:30 at the latest. I woke up early to finish packing and then headed to the haircutter’s only to realize that they didn’t open until 9. That didn’t leave me enough time to get the haircut, make it back and then shower so I resigned myself to getting a trim while we were in Spain. The thing is, Kathi’s sister had some documents to get in order so she also woke up early and was out of the apartment doing her business. I got back to the apartment and finished getting ready. 9:30 came and went but Kathi’s sister wasn’t anywhere to be seen. 10:00 came and went and she still wasn’t around. We didn’t leave the apartment until nearly 10:30 – almost a full hour after we “needed” to leave. I was not happy about this at all.

So… I found myself in this haircutter’s salon and asked for a cut. Unlike the Chorizo Gallego place, I was able to say what I needed and properly respond to questions so she started cutting. All was going well until she asked me again how short I wanted the back and sides. I said four millimeters. She didn’t understand. I said a number one (most places don’t have a “one, two, three, etc.” setting on their clippers, they have the length in millimeters so that’s why I started with that). Well, she didn’t understand that either. I made a buzzing sound to indicate clippers and then she told me that she didn’t have any clippers; everything was done with scissors. Fuck. The mission was already in progress and it was too late to abort. I told her to cut it short and she did. She asked me if I wanted it shorter and I said I did but she vetoed that idea (I don’t even know why she asked in the first place), finished up and discharged me. I was butchered. There were very clear and obvious patches on my sides but not a damn thing I could do about it.

We went back into the city where I saw the most idiotically dressed person ever and said to myself, “that dude’s a German” and sure enough, when he and his buddies started speaking, it was in German. Kathi’s sister wasn’t as impressed with my powers of observation.

After my shitty haircut, we went back up to the park so I could get a picture of Santiago in the dark and piss Kathi’s sister off. I think it was some of the tension that spilled over from the morning’s parking woes. I was flabbergasted and most of you know that an irritated Sivlitz is an asshole Sivlitz. Shit, I don’t even need the irritated part. After we left the city, the flames had cooled down and we settled into another night with Doritos and wine.

And our shitty bed.

We interrupt...

We interrupt the regularly scheduled post about my Spain trip to bring you breaking news about a man sneaking taped, sexually explicit messages to his confiscated (male) monkey.

I'm proud that Eulogy is right at the vanguard of delivering news of deviant human behavior to you.

Spain Update for Flickr

Just to let you know, I've also updated my Flickr page with pictures from my Spanish trip. If you've forgotten the address, click here. There's some cool stuff so check it out.

Back to the roots – Lugo and A Coruña

So… I’m back from Spain. I’ll check in with a series of reports from the trip. Below is the first:

Wednesday, March 7th

We (me and Kathi’s sister) left Munich on the morning of the 7th. Leaving Germany was no problem but arriving in Mallorca for our connecting flight was an amusing experience. Our plane was a tad late and we only had a few minutes to catch the second leg of our flight. Our plane parked in a row of planes that had either just landed or were preparing to leave. We deplaned and got into a bus which took us to the terminal then we ran to the gate where our next plane was. We got to the gate in time and ran down the tunnel only to find another bus waiting for us. We climbed into the bus and after a few minutes it drove us to our next plane… which was two planes away from our original plane. This might not seem like a big deal but we seriously wasted a ton of time taking the buses and running through the airport and we just barely made our flight. It would have been much easier if they’d have said, “yeah – just walk over there, your plane is 20 yards away.”

Leaving Mallorca was routine but as we entered Galician airspace, we encountered some serious turbulence. We would drop and lose a considerable amount of altitude which was bad enough but it was made worse by the fact that we were well into our landing cycle. The bumpy ride was made worse by the pilot’s twisting and turning. I’ve been on a few flights now and this was easily the most unsettling landing I’ve ever had. Sometimes, when the turbulence is bad, I take a look around at the other passengers to gauge how rough things are. This time, everybody had a panicked look on their faces and the lady behind me was praying loudly. It was not good. Nevertheless, we touched down in Santiago de Compostela without incident and all was well.

We rented our car and drove from Santiago directly to Lugo which was only an hour or hour and a half away. Vroni had to drive because I can’t drive stick and she immediately set about pissing the people in Lugo off. She was in the right-turn lane and the light was green but to it was red if you wanted to go straight. She was unfazed. People very likely wanted to murder us and it didn’t matter one bit to her.

We had some difficulty finding our hotel because streets are not properly marked in Spain (this is something that was an ongoing issue during our stay) but when we finally did arrive, the hotel was phenomenal. Great restaurant, sports bar, big room with a big bathroom; it even had a bidet. After settling in we went down to the sports bar where they had the FC Bayern Munich v. Real Madrid game on. Bayern scored within ten seconds and ended up winning the game. The Trip was off to a good start.

Thursday March 8th

We woke up and had a phenomenal buffet (by European standards). After breakfast we went into the city and climbed up its phenomenal Roman walls. The Romans build the wall surrounding the city in the 4th century and they’re still completely intact. My guide book says they’re the best preserved Roman fortifications in all of Spain, if not the whole world. The rest of the city didn’t have too much to speak of. The cathedral kicked ass but the rest of the place was run down and dirty. As we were heading out, I asked Kathi’s sister to stop at a supposed Roman bridge that was just outside the city but we were once again thwarted by the piss-poor street sign markings. We did eventually make it to the bridge but by that time we were both pissed off and pretty much dismissed it. We climbed back into the car for the drive to A Coruña.

Once again, we made it to A Coruña without a problem but had trouble finding the hotel do to the poor street markings. I had to give my rusty Spanish its first test. I squeezed out enough to get my point across to the gas station attendant and he hooked us up with some rad directions so we could get to the hotel. We found the hotel and checked in and I’ll be damned if the reception girl wasn’t some Spanish goddess. She was beautiful and incredibly nice. The hotel appeared to be a family run operation so she wasn’t just some rent-an-employee. Kathi’s sister was next to me the whole time so I couldn’t just stare at this girl but… damn, she was something.

We finished checking in and got the car to park in the hotel’s underground garage and Kathi’s sister parked it like shit. This happens everywhere we go but I still wasn’t prepared for how craptacular a parker she is. This is something else that would become a running theme for the trip. The only time we really fought is when I would lose my temper over her remarkably shitting driving/parking.

After the dust settled from that, we walked down to the Playa Christina so I could put my toes in the Galician sand and wade in the Atlantic Ocean. It was pretty cool, I have to admit. I fooled around on the beach while Kathi’s sister stood as far away from the fun as she possibly could. She is, after all, a German. I collected some seashells as souvenirs and then we set off looking for something to eat. We found a supermarket first and bought a nice 45 cent bottle of Lenda Galega wine. Then we found a little place that served tapas and I had my first taste of one of the most delicious foods known to man: Raxo. Raxo varies depending on the place, but it is essentially a spicy pork dish and I’m pretty sure it’s the food god eats in heaven. Kathi’s sister didn’t want anything warm so I told her to get a tortilla tapa. This is where I found out that the Spaniards have a completely different idea of what a tortilla should be. In Spain, tortillas are omelets.

After our little meal, we headed back to the hotel, picked up some chips at a video rental place and enjoyed a pleasant evening on the balcony with our wine.

Friday, March 9th

The next morning we woke up and trudged downstairs for breakfast. We were both tired and a little disappointed in the continental breakfast we were offered. It was free but I tried to tack on an additional sandwich for a couple of Euros more. The dude didn’t understand me and I sure as shit didn’t understand him as he was speaking Gallego, not Spanish (note: everything that comes from Galicia, the food, the people, the wines and even the language, is called “Gallego” or “Gallega.” Pretty cool, eh? Too bad I didn’t/don’t fuckin’ speak it…). We were confused but the goddess girl from the night before came down and cleared things up. She spoke regular Spanish and we were able to communicate at a basic level. I never did get my sandwich but she was so nice (and beautiful) that I didn’t want to make any trouble for her.

We went into the city itself and walked to the opera house before checking out the harbor. Apparently, A Coruña’s harbor was the departure place for many of the people that left Galicia so it was cool to think I was walking around where my ancestors left their homeland.

(Random note: the Galician flag was actually A Coruña’s naval flag. Most of the people that left had never seen the Galician flag so they mistook the naval flag for the Galician national flag and started flying it in their new homelands. When some started coming back, the Galician flag was changed to what it is today. And now you know…)

After wandering around the harbor, we went to the castle which defended the port and poked around there for a bit and then headed into the city. We did our sightseeing there and tried to find a good lunch. We couldn’t find a local place that had decent prices or that didn’t look a bit dodgy so we went to Burger King instead.

After that we drove to the Torre de Hercules which was originally built by the Romans in the 1st century. It has since been restored but it is still the world’s oldest lighthouse that’s still in service. We climbed up and had some kick-ass view of the city and then we climbed down again in search of the Millennium (some sort of half-assed obelisk that the goddess had been raving about). When we got there, it was so pathetic that we didn’t even stop to get out but instead we kept on driving to what was supposed to be a sweet lookout point over the city. We couldn’t even find that so we hopped into the car and made out way back to Santiago de Compostela.

We got lost after arriving in Santiago and Kathi’s sister cemented her position as world’s worst driver during this ordeal. We found another gas station where I was again forced to ask for directions in broken Spanish but again, the people were incredibly nice and helped us out of our jam.

We arrived at our hotel to find that it was in a pretty seedy spot and not all that spectacular. Kathi’s sister’s priority had been budget over comfort and it was bound to catch up with us, which it did in Santiago. However, we had our own bed and a our own shower so that was pretty much all we needed from our hotels.

After depositing our stuff in the hotel, we headed into the city for dinner. We parked illegally and then walked around for ages before finding a place to eat. This may sound kinda f’d up but my dinner experience was brightened by the mentally handicapped woman that came into the restaurant with her mother (well… I assume it was her mother). The mentally handicapped woman reached for something that wasn’t hers and the mother warned her that she shouldn’t be doing that and if she continued to do things like that, they’d have to leave. Then she asked, “Is that what you want? Do you want to have to leave?” to which the handicapped woman responded with and low, gravelly and guttural, “NO!” I think this was the only word she could say and from time to time, the relative quite of the restaurant would be broken by this loud “NO!” at random, inappropriate times. The woman herself looked like a skinny, hunchbacked, curly dark haired version of Velma from Scooby Doo.

“NO!” became the rallying cry for the rest of the trip. Well, for me at least…

Back from vacation

Oy, I'm back from my vacation in Spain and Portugal.

Before this trip, I'd already seen a pretty sizable chunk of Europe and found that Germany was the best country and Germans, for all their faults, were the coolest people. Well... Spain (and the Spanish) not only toppled Germany but cut Germany's throat, bled it out, buried it and then shat on the grave. Seriously, Spain was awesome. Portugal... not so much. I'll have to withhold full judgement because we only visited Lisbon. Lisbon, however, is number two on the list of shithole European cities, right after Brussels.

I'll post a full report on the trip here later on and I'll also put some pictures up on flickr when I get a chance (likely this weekend). Also note that there are two updates to the Conservative Article Annals up now. If you still haven't checked out my other site, do it. It's a pretty compact and no-nonsense site for some cool stuff.

Since I have nothing else to add at the moment, I'll part with one of my all-time favorite music videos. A little trivia on the song: Maynard James Keenan (of TOOL fame) made his recorded debut singing the falsetto part during the hook. Now you know, bitches...

Vacation

Listen up knuckleheads,

I'll be on vacation and away from my trusty computer for the next couple of weeks. There will be no updates during this time. In the meantime, enjoy these videos:

Joe Son (the immortal creator of Josando) highlights. At least he won't be able to reproduce (wait 'til 2:30 into the video if you don't remember or never knew...).

and

Hollywood says, "Capitalism BAD, communism GOOD!"

Get this on the market ASAP

I don't think this product makes a positive statement about how lazy we have become. But nevertheless, they need to rush this into production. Watch the demo.

Better late than never

I’m sure you noticed that my review of the US v. mexico game was somewhat subdued. That was because I didn’t actually get to see the game and couldn’t comment. That has changed, however, thanks to Ricky sending a huge package with the soccer game, some football games and other crap that I can’t get in this damn commie country.

Let me just say this: fuck mexico and their excuses. I had read that mexico was the better team on the field and that they just didn’t get a result.

Poppycock.

When you lose as consistently as mexico does against the US, it’s not a fucking accident. They haven’t scored a goal in the US in this millennium. Once again: not an accident.

The whole first half was slow with both teams having the same number of chances: approximately zero. Then the US didn’t take very long to score in the second half and mexico had the better chances for the rest of the game. Does that come as a surprise to anyone though? I mean really, you score first then your priorities change to absorbing attacks rather than creating scoring chances. Think about a football game as an example. When a team takes the lead they try to grind the clock while the other team is forced to air it out to get back in the game. So when you look at the stats after the game, a novice might be surprised that one team kicked the other teams ass in passing yards but the statistics can be misleading in that regard. Same with the amount of shots mexico had against the US. They put all they had into the attack to get an equalizer. You might look at the number of shots and think mexico dominated but that simply wasn’t the case.

Something else I noticed: mexico pissed and moaned about their bad luck and shots that should have gone in just didn’t. Again, fuck that. Watch the tape. The American defenders were well positioned in most cases and blocked shots or the keeper got to them. To use another football example, complaining about that would be like saying, “we would have kicked their ass if they hadn’t kept tackling us. We should have scored many more times but they were lucky like that.” Is it just me, or is defense still a part of the game?

The last thing, and this can’t be brought up often enough, mexico was playing in a very friendly environment and they brought their A-team. All of their stars were on the field. I don’t want to say the US was playing their B-team but at best we’re talking their “A minus” team. Yeah, Andres Guardado looked good but he wasn’t dealing with Steve Cherundolo. He had a struggling Albright and inexperienced Gros to deal with. Borgetti didn’t have Oguchi Onyewu on his ass and DaMarcus Beasley was still in England (not to mention Reyna, McBride and Keller aren’t in the picture anymore).

A pattern has been established friends. There’s no doubt who the number one in CONCACAF is anymore.

This guy wins...

What’s the most fucked up, disgusting thing you could ever imagine anyone doing? I’m talking small-scale stuff, not like genocide or anything – just something so insanely deviant that it defies description. Now forget whatever it is you’ve thought of because Ronald Kuch wins.

He had sex with a dog that had been dead for a week.

Near a daycare center.

Kuch has to stand trial even though Michigan law doesn’t explicitly list having sex with a dead dog as a crime. I can’t imagine why not. I know if I had been in charge of drawing up laws, I’d have made sure to have a “sex with a dead dog is not permitted” clause in there somewhere. Oh wait, no I wouldn’t because even in my low, low, low estimation of the human species I wouldn’t have guessed that someone would be capable of doing such a thing. Now I know better.

Kuch is set for a hearing on May 30th which will determine whether he’s a “sexually delinquent person.” My guess is that he is, but I know fuck-all about the law so I’ll have to wait and see.

Also amusing is Kathryn Fehrman’s (Kuch’s lawyer) argument is that a dead dog isn’t an animal and, therefore, it can’t be violated against its will. Touché, Ms. Ferhman, touché. The judge, Joseph Sheeran, also upheld an indecent exposure charge while noting that Kuch didn’t commit the act ''accidentally or inadvertently.'' You know, not like the time I was walking though the woods naked with an erection, tripped and fell and accidentally wound up with my wiener inside a dead animal. That was different.

I think if I had the chance to ask Ronald Kuch just one question, it would be this: was it difficult to wash the week-old dead animal’s anus smell off your penis?

And if he said no, I’d buy his soap. Well… not the one he actually used, but the same brand. I can’t imagine being able to ask much more from a soap.