Escapa!

21.016 so far...

Edit: I broke my own record - I got 29.172 today.

Danzig gets owned!

So I'm surfing the internet today and run across a story about some dude trying to piss (literally) on Lars Ulrich at a Texas bar. That's cool enough. But I found a related piece that was waaay better.

Here's the story: Danzig was playing some shitty place in a shitty town in Arizona. There were a couple of other local bands playing the same show but naturally, Danzig was the headliner. Long story short, one of the local bands was supposed to hit the stage before Danzig but weren't allowed to. They were promised a spot after the Danzig set and were pissed but decided to stick around and play rather than make the six hour journey back to wherever it was they came from with nothing to show for their effort.

Trouble was, after Danzig finished, their roadies started tearing down the stage and the local band wasn’t allowed to go on at all. The singer of the band confronted Glen Danzig backstage. He was pissed and wanted to know what the fuck? Why was Danzig playing big rock star bullshit and not letting the local band have their moment? Glen Danzig was signing autographs for the local yokels while this was going on then decided to put on a show for his fans; he pushed the singer of the local band who came back and knocked Danzig out cold and stupid with one might swing. AWESOME!!! It’s always a good time to see a dumbass acting hard get his shit ruined. And yes, there is video evidence.

Click here for the full story on Danzig and the video.

Click here for the less cool but still amusing Lars Ulrich story.

Rage

So I was driving home from work today and induced a serious case of road rage on some dude. I was merging onto the freeway and, naturally, ended up in the far right lane. Needless to say, the flow of traffic in this lane was less than what I would consider acceptable. I’m not saying I’m a speed demon or anything, it’s just that 10 miles per hour less than the posted speed limit is not an option. I checked my mirrors and surveyed the scene in the lane directly to my left. There was a car coming up about to pass me, a large gap and then a red Bronco. I was going to wait for the first car to pass, merge safely into the lane and proceed on my way home.

So what happens? As the car is 3/4ths of the way past me, I turn on my indicator to signal my intent to move into the lane. The dude in the Bronco – even though there was plenty of room for me to merge without slowing him down – decides he doesn’t want me in his lane and speeds up. Now, I’m usually a courteous driver. If I was going to slow this dude down at all, I would have bided my time and merged when appropriate. Needless to say, I thought his speeding up to block me out was a dick move, so I did what I felt was right and jumped into the lane to cut his ass off. If he’s going to be and asshole, then fuck him.

Anyway, I look in the rearview mirror and he’s flipping out – waving his arms and shouting. I thought giving him the bird would soothe his ruffled feathers. He did not appreciate my gift. He hauled ass into the far left lane, swerved toward me like he was going to ram me and sped away while flipping me the bird and cursing some more.

Wow dude, you really showed me what’s up…

So what’s the statue of some tubby dude kicking ass on some kids have anything to do with this? Nothing really, I just thought it was funny. Maybe the Bronco dude didn’t get his ass kicked enough as a kid. I’d rather he was aborted.

Top twenty dictators

"George W. Bush is trying to take away our civil liberties!! He's a dictator!!"

Oh really? Once again, some perspective is needed. Here's Parade Magazine's worst dictators list, revised for this year:

A “dictator” is a head of state who exercises arbitrary authority over the lives of his citizens and who cannot be removed from power through legal means. The worst commit terrible human-rights abuses. This present list draws in part on reports by global human-rights organizations, including Human Rights Watch, Freedom House, Reporters Without Borders and Amnesty International. While the three worst from 2005 have retained their places, two on last year’s list (Muammar al-Qaddafi of Libya and Pervez Musharraf of Pakistan) have slipped out of the Top 10—not because their conduct has improved but because other dictators have gotten worse.

1) Omar al-Bashir, Sudan.
Age 62. In power since 1989. Last year’s rank: 1
Since February 2003, Bashir’s campaign of ethnic and religious persecution has killed at least 180,000 civilians in Darfur in western Sudan and driven 2 million people from their homes. The good news is that Bashir’s army and the Janjaweed militia that he supports have all but stopped burning down villages in Darfur. The bad news is why they’ve stopped: There are few villages left to burn. The attacks now are aimed at refugee camps. While the media have called these actions “a humanitarian tragedy,” Bashir himself has escaped major condemnation. In 2005, Bashir signed a peace agreement with the largest rebel group in non-Islamic southern Sudan and allowed its leader, John Garang, to become the nation’s vice president. But Garang died in July in a helicopter crash, and Bashir’s troops still occupy the south.

2) Kim Jong-il, North Korea.
Age 63. In power since 1994. Last year’s rank: 2
While the outside world focuses on Kim Jong-il’s nuclear weapons program, domestically he runs the world’s most tightly controlled society. North Korea continues to rank last in the index of press freedom compiled by Reporters Without Borders, and for the 34th straight year it earned the worst possible score on political rights and civil liberties from Freedom House. An estimated 250,000 people are confined in “reeducation camps.” Malnourishment is widespread: According to the United Nations World Food Program, the average 7-year-old boy in North Korea is almost 8 inches shorter than a South Korean boy the same age and more than 20 pounds lighter.

3) Than Shwe, Burma (Myanmar).
Age 72. In power since 1992. Last year’s rank: 3
In November 2005, without warning, Than Shwe moved his entire government from Rangoon (Yangon), the capital for the last 120 years, to Pyinmana, a remote area 245 miles away. Civil servants were given two days’ notice and are forbidden from resigning. Burma leads the world in the use of children as soldiers, and the regime is notorious for using forced labor on construction projects and as porters for the army in war zones. The long-standing house arrest of Aung San Suu Kyi, winner of the 1991 Nobel Peace Prize and Than Shwe’s most feared opponent, recently was extended for six months. Just to drive near her heavily guarded home is to risk arrest.

4) Robert Mugabe, Zimbabwe.
Age 81. In power since 1980. Last year’s rank: 9
Life in Zimbabwe has gone from bad to worse: It has the world’s highest inflation rate, 80% unemployment and an HIV/AIDS rate of more than 20%. Life expectancy has declined since 1988 from 62 to 38 years. Farming has collapsed since 2000, when Mugabe began seizing white-owned farms, giving most of them to political allies with no background in agriculture. In 2005, Mugabe launched Operation Murambatsvina (Clean the Filth), the forcible eviction of some 700,000 people from their homes or businesses—“to restore order and sanity,” says the government. But locals say the reason was to forestall demonstrations as the economy deteriorates.

5) Islam Karimov, Uzbekistan.
Age 67. In power since 1990. Last year’s rank: 15
Until 2005, the worst excesses of Karimov’s regime had taken place in the torture rooms of his prisons. But on May 13, he ordered a mass killing that could not be concealed. In the city of Andijan, 23 businessmen, held in prison and awaiting a verdict, were freed by their supporters, who then held an open meeting in the town square. An estimated 10,000 people gathered, expecting government officials to come and listen to their grievances. Instead, Karimov sent the army, which massacred hundreds of men, women and children. A 2003 law made Karimov and all members of his family immune from prosecution forever.

6) Hu Jintao, China.
Age 63. In power since 2002. Last year’s rank: 4
Although some Chinese have taken advantage of economic liberalization to become rich, up to 150 million Chinese live on $1 a day or less in this nation with no minimum wage. Between 250,000 and 300,000 political dissidents are held in “reeducation-through-labor” camps without trial. Less than 5% of criminal trials include witnesses, and the conviction rate is 99.7%. There are no privately owned TV or radio stations. The government opens and censors mail and monitors phone calls, faxes, e-mails and text messages. In preparation for the 2008 Olympics, at least 400,000 residents of Beijing have been forcibly evicted from their homes.

7) King Abdullah, Saudi Arabia.
Age 82. In power since 1995. Last year’s rank: 5
Although Abdullah did not become king until 2005, he has ruled Saudi Arabia since his half-brother, Fahd, suffered a stroke 10 years earlier. In Saudi Arabia, phone calls are recorded and mobile phones with cameras are banned. It is illegal for public employees “to engage in dialogue with local and foreign media.” By law, all Saudi citizens must be Muslims. According to Amnesty International, police in Saudi Arabia routinely use torture to extract “confessions.” Saudi women may not appear in public with a man who isn’t a relative, must cover their bodies and faces in public and may not drive. The strict suppression of women is not voluntary, and Saudi women who would like to live a freer life are not allowed to do so.

8) Saparmurat Niyazov, Turkmenistan.
Age 65. In power since 1990. Last year’s rank: 8
Niyazov has created the world’s most pervasive personality cult, and criticism of any of his policies is considered treason. The latest examples of his government-by-whim include bans on car radios, lip-synching and playing recorded music on TV or at weddings. Niyazov also has closed all national parks and shut down rural libraries. He launched an attack on his nation’s health-care system, firing 15,000 health-care workers and replacing most of them with untrained military conscripts. He announced the closing of all hospitals outside the capital and ordered Turkmenistan’s physicians to give up the Hippocratic Oath and to swear allegiance to him instead.

9) Seyed Ali Khamane’i, Iran.
Age 66. In power since 1989. Last year’s rank: 18
Over the past four years, the rulers of Iran have undone the reforms that were emerging in the nation. The hardliners completed this reversal by winning the parliamentary elections in 2004 —after disqualifying 44% of the candidates—and with the presidential election of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in June 2005. Ultimately, however, the country is run by the 12-man Guardian Council, overseen by the Ayatollah Khamane’i, which has the right to veto any law that the elected government passes. Khamane’i has shut down the free press, tortured journalists and ordered the execution of homosexual males.

10) Teodoro Obiang Nguema, Equatorial Guinea.
Age 63. In power since 1979. Last year’s rank: 10
Obiang took power in this tiny West African nation by overthrowing his uncle more than 25 years ago. According to a United Nations inspector, torture “is the normal means of investigation” in Equatorial Guinea. There is no freedom of speech, and there are no bookstores or newsstands. The one private radio station is owned by Obiang’s son. Since major oil reserves were discovered in Equatorial Guinea in 1995, Obiang has deposited more than $700 million into special accounts in U.S. banks. Meanwhile, most of his people live on less than $1 a day.Contributing Editor David Wallechinsky has reported on world figures for PARADE, including an interview with Nobel laureate Aung San Suu Kyi. For more on the worst dictators, visit parade.com on the Web.

11. Muammar al-Qaddafi, Libya
Age 63. In power since 1969. Last year’s rank: 6
Qaddafi has made his peace with the outside world by renouncing his quest for weapons of mass destruction and opening his oil fields to foreign companies. But domestically he continues to operate a brutal regime. According to the U.S. Department of State, at least 10% of the population is engaged in surveillance of the other 90%. Libyan law provides for collective punishment in which the relatives, friends and even neighbors of someone found guilty of a crime can also be punished. Criticizing Qaddafi is considered a crime punishable by death.

12. King Mswati III, Swaziland
Age 37. In power since 1986. Last year’s rank: 11
Africa’s last remaining absolute monarch, Mswati III took power at the age of 18. Since then he has allowed his country to slide into extreme poverty, with 69% of the Swazi people living on less than $1 a day. Swaziland has the highest HIV/AIDS rate in the world: almost 40%. The country has operated without a constitution for 30 years. Mswati has agreed to implement a new one in 2006, however, it bans political parties, gives Mswati the right to reject any laws passed by the legislature and grants him immunity against all possible crimes.

13. Isayas Afewerki, Eritrea
Age 59. In power since 1993. Last year’s rank: 17
A popular leader of Eritrea’s 30-year war of liberation against Ethiopia, Afewerki became its first president in 1993. Since then he has cancelled all national elections. He also suspended the constitution, shut down all privately owned media and restricted the use of cell phones because, he says, they are a threat to national security. He recently expelled all American and European members of the United Nations peacekeeping force that is trying to stop the outbreak of a border war with neighboring Ethiopia.

14. Aleksandr Lukashenko, Belarus
Age 51. In power since 1994. Last year’s rank: 12
Europe’s last dictator, Aleksandr Lukashenko was elected Belarus’ first president after the break-up of the Soviet Union. Since then he has rewritten the constitution to allow him to appoint all 110 members of the upper house of the legislature, and he has harassed his opponents, sometimes having them arrested on live television. He also has mandated a return to Communist-style “mutual surveillance,” encouraging workers to use “trouble telephones” to inform on one another. It is against the law to criticize him.

15. Fidel Castro, Cuba
Age 79. In power since 1959. Last year’s rank: 13
Fidel Castro moved into his 47th year as the leader of Cuba, continuing his record as the longest-reigning dictator in the world. He seems to be telling his people that two generations have passed and no one in Cuba is worthy of taking his place. Cuba had one of the worst scores on Reporters Without Borders’ international index of press freedom.

16. Bashar al-Assad, Syria
Age 40. In power since 2000. Last year’s rank: 14
A former ophthamology student, in 2000 Bashar inherited power from his father, who had ruled Syria for 29 years. Recently the Syrian government has received international condemnation for its presumed involvement in the assassination of the ex-prime minister of neighboring Lebanon. In Syria itself, “emergency rule” has been in effect since 1963. Amnesty International has documented 38 different types of torture that have been used in Syria in recent years.

17. Pervez Musharraf, Pakistan
Age 62. In power since 1999. Last year’s rank: 7
General Pervez Musharraf seized power in a military coup that overthrew an elected government. He appointed himself president of Pakistan in 2001 and then attempted to legitimize his rule by staging an election in 2002. However, the election did not come close to meeting international standards. Musharraf agreed to step down as head of the military but then changed his mind, claiming that the nation needed to unify its political and military elements and that he could provide this unity. He justified his decision by stating, “I think the country is more important than democracy.” Prior to September 11, 2001, Musharraf was an ardent supporter of Afghanistan’s Taliban regime.

18. Meles Zenawi, Ethiopia
Age 50. In power since 1995. Last year’s rank: unranked
Following a disputed election in May 2005, Zenawi’s forces shot to death several dozen unarmed demonstrators and detained more than 10,000 political opponents. Zenawi had agreed to a mediated solution to his border dispute with Eritrea. But when the United Nations boundary commission ruled against him, he refused to comply with its decision.

19. Boungnang Vorachith, Laos
Age 68. In power since 2001. Last year’s rank: 20
Laos is run by the communist Lao People’s Revolutionary Party. Freedom of expression, assembly and religion are almost nonexistent. Three quarters of Laotians live on less than $2 a day.

20. Tran Duc Luong, Vietnam
Age 68. In power since 1997. Last year’s rank: 19
A geology technician, Luong oversees a classic communist regime that forbids public criticism of the Communist Party, strictly controls all media and heavily censors the Internet. Political trials are closed to the public and 29 different crimes are punishable by the death penalty—including fraud, corruption and drug trafficking. In November, 2005, the U.S. State Department’s International Religious Freedom Report designated Vietnam as one of eight “countries of particular concern.”

SUPER BOWL!!!

The Steelers are going to the Super Bowl and Big Ben is still God.

The Steelers are the first six seed to ever reach the Super Bowl and the first team to beat the 1, 2 and 3 seeds in order to get there. And they beat them all on the road. With a second year quarterback.

Let’s repeat that: the Steelers started their run on the road against the third seeded Cincinnati Bengals, a team that was jacked up for their first home playoff game in 15 years. They followed up with a win against the first seeded Indianapolis Colts in the RCA Dome and another win against the second seeded Denver Bronco in the thin mountain air of Invesco Field. It reminds me of Arizona’s championship run in ’97 when they beat three different one seeds to take the crown.

Perhaps the biggest surprise of this run is that the Steelers are doing it on the arm of Roethlisberger rather than the legs of their running game. He should be winning over some doubters with his playoff stats: 49 of 72 for 680 yards, 7 TDs and 1 INT (124.4 passer rating).

I don’t know what’s going to happen Super Bowl Sunday - the Seahawks looked awfully good today – but it’s been a great run so far. Just one more win fellas!!

Why I prefer bars to clubs:

If you have ever wondered why I won’t step foot in a disco any more, the picture above should answer your question. First of all, if I can’t wear a hoodie, cargo pants and sneakers into an establishment, you can color me disinterested. Secondly, I don’t have any particular desire to deal with the general douche-baggery that is inescapable in all the hawt clubs. The Sea Breezes, the popped collars, the pink shirts and the eyebrow plucking – this is what passes for a man nowadays? I’m not some macho Neanderthal but come on, there are lines. If a gay dude looks like less of fag than you do, you have failed at life. Sure, I realize there are some dregs that frequent bars too but damn, I can deal more with a relapsed alcoholic than this.

They’re so manly they don’t smile (“I’m fuckin’ hard, WHAT!!!”). They’re so manly they aren’t afraid to wear pink. They’re so manly they aren’t afraid to tweeze their eyebrows. They’re so manly they aren’t afraid to cry or blow kisses (yes… there are more pics). They’re so manly they suck dick, YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND!

This is why I support abortion. Retroactively. Even now, it’s not too late to delete them from the gene pool.

(Whew – I made it through the whole post without making fun of Andy.)

Big Ben’s night out

There are a few things to talk about so we’ll do them in bullet points:

• After the Steelers victory, the least I could do was treat The Man to a drink. Big Ben had a position of honor and a full glass in front of him at all times Sunday night at the Garter. He deserved it.
• I thought I was a pretty big Steelers fan until I heard of Terry O’Neill. When the refs fucked up the Polamalu interception call I went ballistic. When Bettis fumbled, I went catatonic. But when Bettis fumbled, it almost killed Terry O’Neill. Literally! The dude had a heart attack. “I was upset because I didn't want to see him end his career like that. A guy like that deserves better. I guess it was a little too much for me to handle,” he said. He followed that up with, “The Steelers won the game and I'm still alive, so I guess I'm doing pretty good.”
  
  That’s hardcore.
• The anonymous douche wrote back:
  
  “14 for 24 197yds. 58.3% 2Td./1Int.
  
  GOD? Seriously? Does anyone out there doubt that putting in someone like, oh...I don't know, AARON BROOKS would've netted the same result?”
  
  Roethlisberger had a 95.3 QB rating on the road in the playoff against the best team in the NFL. I’m pretty sure Aaron Brooks has games like that every night. Then he wakes up, something you should do.
  
  Tell me again, how many Conference Championship games has Brooks led his team to? Because Roethlisberger is the first QB in more than 25 years to take his team there in his first two seasons. All Big Ben has to do is not lose the game for the Steelers right? His defense and running carry him and he’s so overrated right? I guess you didn’t watch the games he had as a rookie when he put the team on his shoulders and willed them to victory. Off the top of my head I can remember the Miami game (his first career start), the Dallas game and the Jacksonville game. All were road games and all were games that Big Ben made the deciding plays in. Besides, you want big numbers, check his stats from the Cincinnati game at home this year: 29/41 for 386 yards, a 70.7% completion rate and 3TDs. That’s fucking terrible isn’t it? I mean if you had to build a franchise from the quarterback up, would you take Aaron Brooks over Ben Roethlisberger? Fucking moron…
  
  He doesn’t have to put up gaudy numbers, he just has to win. You can have the QBs with the great fantasy stats, I’ll take the Bradys and Roethlisbergers – guys who win.
  
  And with that, you’re done. Your clock is at 14:58 on a blog that maybe 10 people read. Your run was nice, but it’s coming to an abrupt end. Goodbye anonymous fag, I mean – oh wait – you ARE an anonymous fag. Mwahahaha.

The votes are tallied and it is official: Ben Roethlisberger is God.

From an anonymous comment on my post-Bengals game post:

“There's no way, I repeat NO WAY they beat the Colts. It won't even be close.”

Ok… deep breath: HAHAHAHAHA GARGLE MY BALLS ANONYMOUS COCKSUCKER!!!

Listen, I’m no fool – I was not as confident going into the game today as I was going into the Cincinnati game. I’ve been saying all year to anyone who will listen that no one was going to stop the Colts this year. Unfortunately that task fell to the Steelers who had to play them in their home stadium. Nevertheless, as the game loomed I started to think, “the Steelers can do this. Stranger things have happened before.” I went into the game fearing the worst but knowing that I wouldn’t be surprised if the Steelers won. I mean, the Colts don’t exactly have a strong history in the playoffs.

So what happens? In spite of an officiating crew that was either insanely pro-Colts or insanely incompetent the Steelers pulled out a win though they were given a scare after a dominant performance. As for the refs, I’m all for equal opportunity employment but I’m hoping the NFL reconsiders its policy of hiring blind officials. This isn’t sour grapes mind you – my team won. I’m just stating facts people: the pass interference non-call against Randle El and possibly the worst call in the history of football, the negation of Polamalu’s interception. Keep in mind that it was ruled an interception on the field to the ref thought he found INDISPUTABLE evidence that Polamalu didn’t catch the ball, despite the fact that he clearly did, rolled over with it in his possession, started to run with it and then fumbled and recovered it. Amazing. Unless someone shows me the rule that interceptions made by Samoan players with long hair are invalid if the ball leaves the player’s possession within two hours after the pick, I will go to my grave believing that was an interception.

So the Colts score, get the two-point conversion and trail by three with time left. Steelers give up the ball and RULE the Colts to get the ball back with two yards between them and another six points. This is when Jerome Bettis thinks, “this is a good time for my first fumble of the season” and pops the ball up. Who makes the saving tackle but Ben Roethlisberger. The dude is awesome (and yeah it was a pretty lucky grab but Big Ben has now officially reached God status).

Luckily for me and the Steelers, they chose to put the “Mike Vanderjagt never misses!” graphic on the screen right before the deciding kick. Announcer’s curse, wide right, game over. Now our anonymous Colts fan can go back to inserting large objects into his rectum for pleasure since his team, you know… won’t be playing anymore games this year.

A historical perspective

This post is basically a “Part II” to the post below which states that the greatest threat to global stability is too little American power rather than too much American power. There will no doubt be people that disagree with that statement because, you know, American is a fascist and imperialist state bent on world domination, right? Well, here’s a little historical perspective for those with short memories; a reminder of what imperialism really is and a look back at America’s wars.

First we start with the statement that the United States is, at the moment, the world’s only super power and hegemony. Now let’s look back at others who were in the same position the United States is throughout history:

Ancient Egyptians – Expanded their territory aggressively and conquered much of what they could.

Macedonians – Expanded their territory aggressively and conquered much of the known world under Alexander (the Great).

Romans - Expanded their territory aggressively and conquered much of the known world.

Mongols - Expanded their territory aggressively and conquered everything they could, taking no prisoners in the process and laying waste to whatever they chose not to occupy.

Spanish - Expanded their territory aggressively, conquered and established colonies wherever they could. There’s a reason every country south of the United States in the Western Hemisphere speaks Spanish (with the exception of Brazil) which brings us to…

Portuguese – A contemporary of the Spanish. Conquered and established colonies wherever the Spanish failed to do so.

English – Rose to power after the Spanish. Expanded their territory aggressively, conquered and established colonies worldwide (the U.S. was one of these colonies). The British Empire was the largest empire in the history of the world and was famous for the saying “the Sun never sets on the British Empire.” In other words, the conquered territory was so vast that no matter what time it was where you were, the sun was shining somewhere in British controlled lands.

French - Expanded their territory aggressively and conquered most of Europe under Napoleon.

Germans - Expanded their territory aggressively and conquered most of Europe under Hitler.

Japanese – Expanded their territory aggressively and conquered much of Asia under Hirohito.

Russians - Expanded their territory aggressively and absorbed much of Eastern Europe after World War II.

United States – Has not expanded its borders and has fought to liberate: southern slaves, French, Belgians, Dutch, Germans, Chinese, Koreans, Vietnamese, Japanese, Kuwaitis, Afghanis and Iraqis (with varying degrees of success).

In fact, let’s take a look at some of the armed conflicts the U.S. has participated in:

Revolutionary War – A war of independence from colonialist oppressors.

War of 1812 – dispute over repeated violations of American sovereignty by the British

Civil War – War (in part) to free the slaves in the southern/rebel states.

WW I – Only entered after repeated attacks on U.S. shipping by the Germans.

WW II – Only entered after being attacked by the Japanese. Fought to liberate Europe and Asia.

Korean War – Fought to defend South Korea from the invading North Korea (backed by the Soviets and Chinese).

Vietnam – Fought to defend South Vietnam after the communist North Vietnam began guerilla activities.

Gulf War – Fought to liberate Kuwait after Iraq invaded.

Kosovo – Fought to stop genocide of Kosovar Albanians

Afghanistan – Fought to depose the Taliban and Al Qaeda after the terror attacks of September 11th.

Iraq (current) – Fought to neutralize a dictator who we believed to possess weapons of mass destruction.

So there you have it. ONE WAR where preemptive action was taken and even though it appears that Saddam never had WMD, there is NO QUESTION that he was actively seeking them. Our other conflicts have, for the most part, been fought to liberate others or to keep them free from a threatening force. That doesn’t mention the time we intervened to feed the Somalis and had our troops bodies dragged through the street like dogs as thanks. Now there is genocide in the Sudan and no one will do anything about it except look to the U.S. for help. And if we do help, there will be more cries of what imperialist assholes we are. Great.

Have we made mistakes? Sure – things haven’t always gone as we have intended as we’ve stepped in some piles of shit. Are Americans the big bad imperialists? Well you can go fuck yourself if that’s what you think. Americans keep this world safe…

America keeps the world safe

I was reading the latest offering from Thomas Friedman in last week’s Red Star and was absolutely floored by a passage contained therein. The crux of the piece was we are going to slowly kill ourselves with the cradle to grave welfare system and the entitlement mentality that comes with it (see: Europe). If this does indeed happen, the world will become a much scarier place. The passage that I refer to above can basically be summarized as follows: America keeps the world safe and the greatest threat to global stability is not to MUCH American power, but too LITTLE. Read and understand what’s being said below (added emphasis mine):

“In a smart and original new book, ‘The Case for Goliath: How America Acts as the World's Government in the 21st Century,’ Mr. [Michael] Mandelbaum argues that while U.S. foreign policy is hardly perfect, it is America -- through its vast military deployments, diplomatic engagements and vital role in buttressing the global economy and its rules -- that provides the basic governance that keeps the world stable and on a decent track.

Most countries in the world like this situation, he contends. They like it because they know that the U.S. is not a predatory power, so they are not afraid of the order it provides. They like it because this global order is helpful to every country in the world, but the cost of it is borne largely by U.S. taxpayers. And they like it because they can criticize the U.S. and still enjoy all the benefits it provides.

The best evidence for all this, Mr. Mandelbaum notes, is the fact that no military coalition has ever formed to counter America's global governing role -- as happened with other hegemonic powers in history.

In Mr. Mandelbaum's view, America ‘is not the lion of the international system, terrorizing and preying on smaller, weaker animals in order to survive itself. It is, rather, the elephant, which supports a wide variety of other creatures -- smaller mammals, birds and insects -- by generating nourishment for them as it goes about the business of feeding itself.’

No other country could play this crucial stabilizing role. But its continuation depends on ‘American taxpayers' being willing to keep paying for it.’”

Joe Pa responds

Joe Paterno came under fire recently for something he said that was misinterpreted for someone's political cause. He came back with the perfect response today:

"'If my kids calls for it [my resignation], if my squad calls for it ... but when people don't know what they're doing are looking for publicity or trying to give publicity to their cause or looking for some sort of scapegoat, no, it doesn't bother me,' he said."

Awesome. What he said probably wasn't smart in this day and age but he wasn't condoning misbehavior and some rag who wants to gain attention called for his resignation. Joe Pa just slammed the door in her face.

Mwaaahaahaaaha!

Whose house? Run’s house!
Whose house? Run’s house!
Whose house? Run’s house!

So – a wise man once wrote: “if these teams meet again in the playoffs and the Steelers are healthy, I still feel pretty good about their chances.”

Well – they met again and the playoff and, what’s that Chad Johnson? A new leader in the AFC North? Black and white TV to color? Not so fast Mr. No Touchdowns In Three Games Against The Steelers This Year.

I’m not discounting the fact that Carson Palmer got f’d up, but the Steelers found their running game and defense and the result is victory. Folks – there’s a reason the Steelers were favorites on the road in the playoffs. Apparently the Vegas odds makers weren’t convinced the Bengals were legit either. Hell yes.

Notes: here are some quotes from Joey Porter about the shit talking Bengals from this ESPN.com article:

"There is a lot of little stuff they did," Steelers linebacker Joey Porter said about the Steelers disdain for the Bengals. "You have T.J. Houshmandzadeh wiping his feet with the Terrible Towel. The whole bib thing [with Chad Johnson wearing the Terrible Towel as a bib to catch crumbs]. You kinda get ahead of yourself. They haven't been in the playoffs. They don't know what it takes. They proved it today."

...

Porter remembered Chad Johnson saying that the torch had been passed in the AFC North when the Bengals beat the Steelers in Pittsburgh Dec. 4. He remembers Johnson saying the change was like going from black-and-white television to color TV.

"I'm going to send him the new plasma black-and-white TV," Porter said. "Hopefully, he's going to get the chance to watch us in our playoff game in Indianapolis."

First Half

As confident as I was in a Steelers victory, as the first half come to an end I’m as confused as a blind lesbian in a fish market. I mean, the Steelers are running as effectively as a one-legged palsy afflicted leper and their defense couldn’t stop a team of 80 year olds (never mind the fact that Carson Palmer was knocked out of the game with a knee injury). Look – Kitna isn’t a bum but he shouldn’t be marching down the field as well as he has been. So what we have is a situation where the two staples of the Steeler diet, rushing offense and defense, aren’t even on the plate.

But the Steelers are only down by a field goal.

There were a couple of times I figured the game could get out of control but with Big Ben single handedly keeping the Steelers in the game it is far from out of reach. As a matter of fact, there are some pretty good signs: Roethlisberger is moving the ball and the defense finally got a stop on the Bengals’ last series. If that trend continues, I may be able to brag yet…

BREAKING NEWS: Men And Women Are Different!!

Before I get into the meat of this post I have to issue a disclaimer: I am NOT against women’s sports and I’m not a sexist. As a matter of fact I like women a lot. As it concerns sports, I like certain women’s sports and fully support a woman’s choice to play sports and make a living of it. But that’s not the point. Let me explain:

The one thing that frustrates me is when people say that women are closing the athletic gap with men and their versions of sports are just as good as their male counterparts’ versions. I mean, if you like the WNBA, then more power to you – watch it all you damn want. Do not, however, try to tell me that that product is every bit as good as the NBA because if you do I will know that you ate paint chips as a child. I mean, a WNBA player dunked the ball in one of the games and they stopped the game to shower her with adulation!! It was so monumental that they made a gigantic deal about it. Hell, if I go 5 minutes without seeing a dunk in any men’s game I’m ready to break shit. And let’s not forget the WNBA uses a smaller ball with pretty colors on it. Hey – if everything is equal, USE THE SAME DAMN BALL!

Anyway, it’s become PC to claim that there are practically no differences between the sexes but this is stupid on its face to anyone who has the faintest trace of common sense. Athletically, men tend to be bigger, faster and stronger than women and it’s genetics, not sexism. That’s not to say that there aren’t women who wouldn’t hand most men their ass in any sport. And there’s no doubt that a WNBA player wouldn’t kick the crap out of me in a basketball game. That is not the point though – put the best WNBA player against the best NBA player and guess who wins? There are other less dramatic examples. I remember talk show host Craig Kilborn talking about being friends with Rebecca Lobo. She was once a dominant player in her league and Kilborn would regularly kick her ass in friendly games. The Tennessee women’s hoops teams practices against (and loses to) intramural guys teams to make them better. We’re not even talking about real athletes, just regular bum-ass students!

So why do I bring this up any how? It all started with this article about the U.S. Women’s Olympic Hockey Team losing a game to a HIGH SCHOOL BOYS TEAM. And the kicker: there was no checking in the game! If the boys had been allowed to check they would have killed the national Olympic women’s team. Yikes.

Again, so we're clear, I didn’t write anything above to belittle or insult women at all and frankly, it pisses me off that I have to write a disclaimer about that so people won’t take this the wrong way. Women, keep playing sports. Seriously, I’m not even remotely joking about that – I think it is cool as hell. But we should be able to acknowledge obvious physical differences in the sexes without it being a political issue. Otherwise it is time to start cutting people.

Robbie Williams is NOT gay.

Now for some lighter news: A British court has determined that pop-singer Robbie Williams is not gay. Apparently there was some confusion because he looks gay, acts gay and sings gay so the some British papers reported that he was, in fact, gay. Naturally, a lawsuit followed and a judge has determined that Mr. Williams is straight. And to clarify, his lawyer says, “Mr. Williams is not gay and never was gay.” Well thanks for clearing that up.

Some additional details can be found here. Beware though, the article is in German. I didn’t care enough to find an article in English because if you are American, you probably don’t even know who Robbie Williams is and therefore do not care whether he’s gay or not, HAHAHAHA.

Einer der beliebtesten Popstars der Welt… MY ASS!!

Your loved ones are alive! NOT!!

Many of us heard about the explosion at a West Virginia mine and learned that there were 13 miners still trapped in the collapsed mine. Late last night, media outlets started reporting that 12 of the 13 miners had been located alive. They even started interviewing the miners’ families about the miracle rescue and whatnot. Bells started ringing in apparent celebration.

The bad news?

The media fucked up big time.

What was supposed to be a feel-good story about most of the miners being rescued quickly turned sour when it was confirmed that the media had the reports exactly backward: 12 of the miners were confirmed dead and the one that was still alive was in critical condition. Mine officials had to contact the families that had been celebrating earlier to deliver news that practically everyone was dead.

How on earth do you screw up this badly? We have the media tell us made up stories about Bush in the last election, we only get one side of the story from Iraq and now they can’t even get something like this correct? Wow. Congratulations American media, you just confirmed you are as useless as a bag of assholes.