posted by Sivlitz at 9:13 PM
1 comments
So… I’m working again. And it sucks. Don’t get me wrong: the job itself is ok. It’s a pain sometimes and I work long hours now, but the job itself isn’t what I’m complaining about. What I miss are the hours of idleness that I’d grown accustomed to. No more waking up whenever I please. No more re-watching the Sopranos at a remarkable clip. I have responsibility now. Here are some of the things I miss most:
1. No more The Price is Right. Bob Barker is as smooth as silk. It’s no wonder that he was boinking his lovelies even though he dates back to the Jurassic era. Actually, I’m sure that has as much to do with the fact that LA wannabe actresses are gold-digging whores (notice that I’ve avoided claiming that ALL women are gold-digging whores. Although, truth be told, all evidence tends to back that point of view up. It’s kind of like Darwinism – all the evidence is there and the only people that don’t believe it are deranged kooks. But I digress…). Now that Bob is gone, his shoes have been filled by Drew Carey. It seemed like an odd choice as a replacement, but I’ve gotten used to him and actually like him. He’s not smooth like Barker is, but he’s funnier. There… I said it. I like Drew Carey as host of The Price is Right.
Another thing about the show that I miss are the lost opportunities to yell at my television set. It’d be hard to find a sorrier example of humanity than the dolts that get on that show. Like the asshole that gets called up with the first group of contestants but is still sitting on contestants row at the end of the show because he was bidding $425 when there were already bids of $400 and $450 on the board. Or the jerkoffs that have to bid $1, even when it’s not remotely reasonable. Or the dickheads that wear “Plinko” shirts even though that game is only played once every two weeks or so, and I’ve never seen anyone with a Plinko shirt actually get to play Plinko. I miss seeing southern ladies named Gay and I miss seeing little old ladies spin the wheel with all the force in their bodies, fall down on the set and the wheel still doesn’t spin all the way around. I love the showcases when the top winner is presented with a living room set, jukebox and shitty boat for the first showcase but they get greedy because they want a car (or two) so they pass only to get the second showcase which is a trip to Fargo, ND, a $20 Wal-Mart gift card and a mismatched couch pillow. That rules. Speaking of retardation in showcases, there’s also the guy that got the showcase I just mentioned, and bid a quarter million on it.
2. I miss Law and Order. I could count on there being a L&O variant on somewhere, regardless of time of day. I even got to be a snob about that show. I’d watch the original and the SVU but I’ll be damned if I was going to watch CI. That one’s bogus. And ADA Casey Novak (Diane Neal in our world) has snuck into my list of hot chicks I need to bang.
A close second on television shows I miss is Mythbusters. Kari Byron also needs my nuts to slap against her chin. Yes. Yes she does.
3. The last and most important thing that I miss is the time I had alone with my thoughts. There were certain things that I had time to think about thinks of earth shattering importance like:
posted by Sivlitz at 9:07 PM
2 comments
I was born and raised in Tucson, AZ. I was all set to join the Navy after high school under the B.O.O.S.T. program but had my scholarship pulled at the last minute due to a medical disqualification (history of asthma). I studied aerospace engineering at the University of Arizona for 3 years before realizing I hated it. I switched majors to German Studies and Business, spent the 2001-2002 school year in Munich and finally graduated in 2003. I previously worked as a fund-raising consultant for a small company in Tucson. I am currently living in Munich, Germany working as an English teacher.
