I'd like to file a complaint...
So there I was, killing time at work when I read a post on a messageboard that made me laugh so hard tears formed in my eyes. I don't know whether everyone else will share my appreciation for this anonymous complaint but, for my money, there's nothing funnier than a pissed off funny man. I am reminded of the greatest complaint letter ever, filed by an airline passenger (which was actually verified as true).
In any event, here's a pissed off dude writing to the anonymous shitter that ruined his day. I've linked to the original post here and am reprinting the text below with minor breaks thrown in to increase readability (spelling and grammar errors are in the original):
"Dear person in the Islanders Resturant bathroom,
While I don't make a habbit of calling people out on their movements I need to put this one out there.
YOU SIR, need to start each and every day with a bran muffin. Do you have the bird flu? In 26 years on this planet I have never heard, heard of, had or otherwise experienced as voilent a shit as you took in the Islanders bathroom. It sounded like you were pouring out a 5 gallon bucket of ice water from 10 feet avove the toilet. My ears have never heard so horrific a sound as your liquid fecal being fired downward between pockets of pressurized methane gas. I was only there to wash my hands before eating my lunch...but my appetite was foiled by your ass-disaster.
Moaning and weezing in your stall while wave after wave of dysentery ran from your bowels. What had you consumed?! Raw chicken, 2 bowls of chilli, 1 bottle Ex-Lax and a gallon of milk? You single handedly ruined every molecule of oxygen in the room. 30 minutes later back at work it still seemed like someone had wiped a log of shit under my nose."
In any event, here's a pissed off dude writing to the anonymous shitter that ruined his day. I've linked to the original post here and am reprinting the text below with minor breaks thrown in to increase readability (spelling and grammar errors are in the original):
"Dear person in the Islanders Resturant bathroom,
While I don't make a habbit of calling people out on their movements I need to put this one out there.
YOU SIR, need to start each and every day with a bran muffin. Do you have the bird flu? In 26 years on this planet I have never heard, heard of, had or otherwise experienced as voilent a shit as you took in the Islanders bathroom. It sounded like you were pouring out a 5 gallon bucket of ice water from 10 feet avove the toilet. My ears have never heard so horrific a sound as your liquid fecal being fired downward between pockets of pressurized methane gas. I was only there to wash my hands before eating my lunch...but my appetite was foiled by your ass-disaster.
Moaning and weezing in your stall while wave after wave of dysentery ran from your bowels. What had you consumed?! Raw chicken, 2 bowls of chilli, 1 bottle Ex-Lax and a gallon of milk? You single handedly ruined every molecule of oxygen in the room. 30 minutes later back at work it still seemed like someone had wiped a log of shit under my nose."
posted by Sivlitz at 9:40 PM
2 Comments:
That's the flipping best. Nothing else needs to be said, that is straight-up comedy at its best!!
Last post by your brother SG by the way. Forgive any punctuation and/or grammatical errors - too busy laughing.
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