Another train mishap
Just last month I wrote about the deaf chick that was smashed to pieces by an oncoming train. I was wondering why a deaf woman would distract herself in an area that is obviously wrought with danger.
Well, another idiot has gone and done it again. Unfortunately, this one survived. I say “unfortunately” because that means this jackass will recover and his stupid fucking genes stand a chance of perpetuating themselves and creating a new generation of future train wreck victims.
Still though, there is some good news to come out of his survival. Namely: the article below. Jesse Maggrah may be a complete moron but he is a very, very quotable moron. Every single one of his quotes is phenomenal comedy.
“Train bash survivor thanking metal gods
RED DEER -- The metal gods were smiling on Jesse Maggrah.
The 20-year-old man was walking beside railway tracks on Sunday, the Norwegian heavy metal band Gorgoroth cranked on his portable CD player, when he was hit by a freight train.
Maggrah said he did hear the blast of the train horn just before he was hit.
"I tried to jump out of the way, but I guess not in time," he said yesterday from his bed at Red Deer Regional Hospital Centre.
"It was just instant. I was just walking and then I was on the ground. I wasn't sure what happened. Then I saw the train stopping up ahead. I thought, 'Holy crap, dude, you just got hit by a train.' "
Police say the engineer and conductor on the northbound Canadian Pacific Railway train saw the man on the tracks several kilometres south of Red Deer. The crew blew the whistle and attempted to stop, but they were only able to slow the train to about 50 kmh before hitting him.
Maggrah was thrown four to five metres from the tracks. Stunned, he moved his arms and legs to check for damage.
"I knew I was alive, so that was good."
He has several broken ribs, one which is poking into a lung, his doctors have told him. Maggrah is also very sore and stiff, and is having trouble walking.
Maggrah said he didn't hear the train over his music and he didn't feel anything through the ground.
"Maybe the metal gods above were smiling on me and they didn't want one of their true warriors to die on them. Otherwise, I'd be up there in the kingdom of steel."
Police say no charges are pending against the man.”
--------------------------------------------------------
So let’s recap:
“I tried to jump out of the way, but I guess not in time.”
No shit?
“It was just instant. I was just walking and then I was on the ground. I wasn't sure what happened.”
Sherlock Holmes he is not. I’ll help you out with this one: you were walking along train tracks, you heard a train horn and tried to get out of the way and the next thing you know you are ass over teakettle and smashing into the ground. Does that clear things up?
“Then I saw the train stopping up ahead. I thought, 'Holy crap, dude, you just got hit by a train.'"
Bingo! Like, WHOA!
"I knew I was alive, so that was good."
Well…
"Maybe the metal gods above were smiling on me and they didn't want one of their true warriors to die on them. Otherwise, I'd be up there in the kingdom of steel."
What. The. Fuck.
Metal gods? True warrior? KINGDOM OF STEEL?
Well, another idiot has gone and done it again. Unfortunately, this one survived. I say “unfortunately” because that means this jackass will recover and his stupid fucking genes stand a chance of perpetuating themselves and creating a new generation of future train wreck victims.
Still though, there is some good news to come out of his survival. Namely: the article below. Jesse Maggrah may be a complete moron but he is a very, very quotable moron. Every single one of his quotes is phenomenal comedy.
“Train bash survivor thanking metal gods
RED DEER -- The metal gods were smiling on Jesse Maggrah.
The 20-year-old man was walking beside railway tracks on Sunday, the Norwegian heavy metal band Gorgoroth cranked on his portable CD player, when he was hit by a freight train.
Maggrah said he did hear the blast of the train horn just before he was hit.
"I tried to jump out of the way, but I guess not in time," he said yesterday from his bed at Red Deer Regional Hospital Centre.
"It was just instant. I was just walking and then I was on the ground. I wasn't sure what happened. Then I saw the train stopping up ahead. I thought, 'Holy crap, dude, you just got hit by a train.' "
Police say the engineer and conductor on the northbound Canadian Pacific Railway train saw the man on the tracks several kilometres south of Red Deer. The crew blew the whistle and attempted to stop, but they were only able to slow the train to about 50 kmh before hitting him.
Maggrah was thrown four to five metres from the tracks. Stunned, he moved his arms and legs to check for damage.
"I knew I was alive, so that was good."
He has several broken ribs, one which is poking into a lung, his doctors have told him. Maggrah is also very sore and stiff, and is having trouble walking.
Maggrah said he didn't hear the train over his music and he didn't feel anything through the ground.
"Maybe the metal gods above were smiling on me and they didn't want one of their true warriors to die on them. Otherwise, I'd be up there in the kingdom of steel."
Police say no charges are pending against the man.”
--------------------------------------------------------
So let’s recap:
“I tried to jump out of the way, but I guess not in time.”
No shit?
“It was just instant. I was just walking and then I was on the ground. I wasn't sure what happened.”
Sherlock Holmes he is not. I’ll help you out with this one: you were walking along train tracks, you heard a train horn and tried to get out of the way and the next thing you know you are ass over teakettle and smashing into the ground. Does that clear things up?
“Then I saw the train stopping up ahead. I thought, 'Holy crap, dude, you just got hit by a train.'"
Bingo! Like, WHOA!
"I knew I was alive, so that was good."
Well…
"Maybe the metal gods above were smiling on me and they didn't want one of their true warriors to die on them. Otherwise, I'd be up there in the kingdom of steel."
What. The. Fuck.
Metal gods? True warrior? KINGDOM OF STEEL?
posted by Sivlitz at 8:51 PM
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