Greatest. Picture. Ever.

Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to announce that I have discovered the greatest photograph known to man. That photo of the sailor kissing the woman after the then end of WWII was announced? Nope. The Vietnamese girl running naked from her bombed village? Don’t think so. The Afghani girl with the haunting green eyes? Try again folks. Cast your eyes above to the greatest piece of art in the photographic medium.

Let’s explain something first: midgets are always funny. Always. Midgets and monkeys are guaranteed laughs every single time. What was in Happy Gilmore’s happy place? A hot chick, beer and a midget riding a wooden toy horse. Monkeys are also sure fire comedy, like the smoking monkey, the monkey doing kung fu, the monkey smelling the finger that’s been in his butt and falling out of the tree and the monkey drinking its own pee.

Sadly, the midget is often underutilized as a comedic tool. Aside from the Happy Gilmore midget, the only examples I can think of are the Lollipop Guild midgets and the midget from Seinfeld.

Until today.

Let’s explain why this photo is the greatest thing I have ever laid eyes on. First, notice the theme: Snow White and the Five Dwarves (the other two were clearly doing something funny out of the frame). Check out the midget on the left with the pimp hat. His fingers are so small and sausage-like that they’re funny by themselves. They are much funnier when you consider that they’re small enough to prevent him from holding a bottle of beer normally. He’s carrying it like a football! Then there’s “Cocky” living up to his dwarf name with the smuggest look I’ve ever seen on a midget. Maybe he’s cocky because his head almost looks like a full size person’s head and doesn’t have the usual midget features. Whatever dude. Next is “Busty” and there isn’t too much that’s funny about her except that the arm she’s using to get the beer to her mouth looks like a turkey wing or something. The dude on the right is also pretty normal by midget standards. The Holy Grail of Funny is the midget on his left. Notice that she’s supposed to be “slutty” but actually went out of the house without spell checking her shirt. Sluty? What the hell is that? Say it phonetically – Slooty. I almost died laughing. Notice “Sluty’s” neck – or lack thereof. Come on, even midgets are supposed to have necks! Then check out her chimpanzee arms: they can reach all the way to the floor! She got the smallest body and arms that belong to a full size person. What she lacks in neck, she makes up for in arms. Awesome.

The last thing the casual observer might miss is the fact that they’re all wasted. That’s not too unusual until you consider that they’re probably all on their first beers. A bottle of beer would get you FUCKED up if you were only two and a half feet tall. Look again at “Horny.” The beer is legitimately a quarter of his size. That would be like me drinking a beer that was from the floor to up past my knee. Maybe that whole two ounces of beer is what’s giving “Cocky” his beer balls and attitude.

Call the Nobel Prize committee. If there’s a category for photography we have our winner; cancel all other submissions. If there isn’t, there fucking should be.