Dogs are dumb

I mean, don’t get me wrong – I like dogs and all. I just think they’re stupid. Sometimes they’re inspirational and sometimes they do shit that’s just plain funny. Other times though, they’re the damned creatures that keep you up at night with their incessant barking. Why are you making so much noise!?

Dogs don’t even have a language yet they spend a good amount of time screaming. Screaming at nothing! Sometimes I come home and park the car. As I walk calmly into my own home, the asshole neighbor dog is yelling at me. Listen motherfucker, you see that fence? That clearly separates your territory from my territory. I’m on MY SIDE OF THE FENCE!! Leave me the fuck alone!

Other times, I’ll vaguely hear a dog some far distance away barking. The problem is, the stupid dogs in my neighborhood hear it barking too. What do they do? They bark. That’s what they do. I can’t imagine what goes on in a dog’s brain, “I hear some other dog making noise… what the shit? I might as well make some too.”

Sometimes they’ll see something in the alley. They’ll run after it and yell at that too. Once again, if it’s not on your side of the fence, it’s not your damn business. I suppose, however, I can give a dog a pass if he’s checking out a lady dog meandering through the alleyway. Still though, there’s no real language so this is what it all boils down to:

Guy dog thinks: “what’s up chica?”
Guy dog says: “woof”
Guy dog thinks: “oh what, you’re ignoring me?”
Guy dog says: “woof”
Guy dog thinks: “eat shit, I didn’t really like you anyway!”
Guy dog says: “woof”
Guy dog thinks: “what’s your fucking problem anyway?”
Guy dog says: “woof”
Guy dog thinks: “stay out of my alleyway!!”
Guy dog says: “woof”

Stupid dogs, SHUT UP!