I still rule the barrier

Another night, another Tool concert.

This road to this show was an interesting one. I wanted to attend this show (in Stuttgart) but since I’d already seen them in Düsseldorf and Munich – and was going to see them in Mannheim as well – I didn’t see spending the money on a ticket and transportation for another show. That is, until one of my students mentioned that she wanted to see Tool and offered to drive me to the show if I bought her a ticket. Considering the price of a train ticket to and from Stuttgart, it was a freakin’ sweet deal and I accepted after about a nano-second. Unfortunately, Kathi’s sister wasn’t so hot on the idea of me going to a concert in a different city with a young, female Tool fan. What neglected to take into consideration, however, was the fact that a murderous leper could have offered me the chance and I still would have taken it. I mentioned that I could give HER the ticket and WE could go to the concert together and she reconsidered her position.

In any event, Sandra was on time to the minute even though she had to drive to Munich from Dachau. We hit the road and chatted on the way up there but time was getting short. Fortunately, I’m a master with directions and managed to get us to the arena with a bit of time to spare. We entered and I hit the toilet for a pit-stop before the upcoming battle. Then we went onto the floor together. We actually managed to get to the arena before Mastodon started so I told her, “when the lights go down, we’re bulldozing our way to the front.” “Why?” she asked. There was a dude with grey hair and a grey goatee standing on the barrier in front of Adam’s position and I said, “see that dude? I want to be where he is.” I don’t think she liked that idea very much. We also got to chatting with three Army dudes that had just gotten back from Iraq two weeks ago. Sandra seemed interested to know that these were the dudes we were sending to fight our war. They were two Californians and a Texan and, as cool as they were, they were drunk and probably not terribly bright even when sober. They were loud and obnoxious and funny to me but a menace to everyone else around them. They did little to improve international relations between the two countries.

When Mastodon started, we were about three people behind the barrier and had space to maneuver comfortably. What a bunch of pansies there were in this crowd! Still though, Sandra wasn’t entirely comfortable there and after Mastodon ended, she left to get something to drink and then watch Tool from safer confines. I, on the other hand, spied my opening. I was now one person behind the barrier so when the lights went down for Tool, I grabbed the barrier with my left hand and waited to make my move.

They opened with “Stinkfist” again and I was having an incredibly easy go of it up at the front even though I wasn’t on the barrier. I actually contemplated staying right where I was because there was absolutely no struggle, no pushing and shoving whatsoever, and I could see over the dude in front of me with no problem. I still kept my hand anchored on the barrier in case I changed my mind or in case things got a little more rowdy (i.e. I’d have a base to hold on to so I wouldn’t get taken away with the flow). I quickly changed my mind when the guy in front of me’s boyfriend started trying to knock my arm off the barrier (they knew each other and, considering the fact that they were European, I can only assume they were fucking each other too). In any event, I gave him a jab with my elbow that was intended to convey the message, “look, I’m here and I’m not going anywhere so just relax.” He responded with renewed attempts to knock my arm loose so I said, “fuck it,” worked up some forward momentum and very forcefully and aggressively inserted myself between him and his boyfriend right onto the barrier. Tool hadn’t even finished playing “Stinkfist” yet and I was already on the barrier. European crowds are cake.

The dude didn’t like me being there though and I actually attracted the attention of the security forces but they just motioned for me to take it easy and backed off. In the meantime I was being called names by the dude on my left so I told him, “Look dickhead, I was content to stay where I was and just keep my arm on the barrier but you tried to knock it off so fuck you. Now you have a lot more of me to deal with.” He kept complaining to me and even appealed to the security guys. What kind of pussies am I dealing with here? Like there’s never been an instance of pushing and shoving at a rock concert before. He called me names after the song ended and I just responded with the put up or shut up taunt, “fuck you. Do something.” With that, he let it drop and I had my place ten feet away from Adam with a close up and unimpeded view of everything. My place was doubly good because I was getting the guitar sound directly from Adam’s amps and Justin’s and Maynard’s feeds were coming to Adam from a monitor directly in front of me so I could hear every bit of music from every member perfectly and very clearly.

The set list was almost identical to the show in Munich except they played “Swamp Song” instead of “Sober” which was cool as shit just because it was so unexpected. The “Wings” songs were awesome again but the thing that stands out most when watching Tool from that close up is how they communicate with each other during the concert. For example, Adam and Justin weren’t in sync during the first part of “Lost Keys” so Adam simply looked over to Justin and provided a count with his foot to let Justin catch on and that’s how they worked it out. Before “Schism,” Justin and Adam just looked at each other, nodded and started playing together. Before “Lateralus,” Adam and Justin kept their eyes on Danny who nodded to them to let them know when he was ready to start. Before “Vicarious,” Adam turned his delay on, did a palm-muted rake across the strings and on the fourth repeat they just started playing. Last cool thing I remember was during “Swamp Song” when the instruments drop out then the song starts off again after Maynards, “My warning…” line. The music stopped and Danny and Maynard looked at each other and laughed about something for a second and after a beat, Maynard just asked, “you ready, Dan?” and Danny gave him a “yeah – what the hell…” shrug and started things up again. Sweet.

After the lights came up, I found Sandra again and we headed out of the arena and began our journey back to Munich. We had to find a gas station because her Honda Civic gets craptacular gas mileage. We left Munich with three-quarters of a tank of gas and the gauge was reading empty by the time we left Stuttgart. Things were a bit hairy for a while because we couldn’t find a gas station on the Autobahn and didn’t know when another one would materialize. We passed a Shell station on the way out of the city but she didn’t want to stop there because she was uncertain about how to get to it. I was confused but it was her decision so that was that. The funny thing is: we got back to Munich and got lost. After driving around Stuttgart, a city neither of us knows at all, and making it all the way back to Munich without a single problem, we got lost and had to drive around a while to find my apartment. We finally did find it though and we said our goodbyes. It was just past two in the morning and I had to work the next day (although – luckily for me – not until 10:30). I slid into bed after washing up and brushing my teeth and Kathi’s sister half-heartedly asked how it was. I tried to explain Tool’s godliness and my rulehood on the barrier but, again, she was unimpressed and sleepy. She was, however, slightly more interested to know that Sandra and I didn’t spend the actual concert together. Methinks she slept a little more soundly after I shared that information…