There is a god, and he hates this chick

I spoke too soon.

Take a look at this picture. What do you think is going on here? If you guessed, “that chick is about to shit herself in the Jacuzzi” then you’d be correct. So, just when I felt that things weren’t going my way I find this.

(Update on things not going my way: I left work on Thursday and missed my tram home because I wanted a snack. I caught the next tram and the power cable broke and left us without power. I had to walk forever to the next subway station and then forever back to the apartment. To make things worse, I had to drop a deuce and I thought I was home alone so I let loose with a blast that shook the walls. It was approximately at this point that I heard the door to Kathi’s room open. She chose that day to stay home and got to hear my ass symphony. Afterward, I lost the ability to shit; it just went away. Sweet. I was also scheduled for a long day on Saturday, Bayern Munich lost on Wednesday and it was cold as balls during the Bayern amateurs game this weekend. Also, I just found out Mike Patton’s new band “Peeping Tom” is playing here on Tuesday and I can’t go because I have to work that night. There’s more too, but this isn’t about me. It’s about this poor chick who done shit herself in the hot tub.)

I thought I had it rough but at least the most embarrassing moment of my life wasn’t captured on video and published on the internet for everyone to see.

What would you do if you were this chick? There’s a whole story that’s being told in this short 16 seconds. Look at the discomfort on her face. You know she has diarrhea and is debating whether to take a toilet break or soldier on. So she asks the director if it’s going to take long and he tells her he needs another 30 seconds or so. So she thinks, “30 seconds? Surely I can hold it for 30 more seconds!” Watch her face too. She’s putting on the act and then the first warning sign appears (seriously, watch her face).

Then, her stomach starts to cramp up and she stands up because this isn’t going to wait anymore. Then: disaster. She can’t hold it anymore and shits herself right in the Jacuzzi. I like the other people’s reactions when it happens. The dude yells out, “HOLY SHIT!!” and everyone bails (is it just me though or did they take a little too long? I’d have been out of that fucking hot tub like there were rocket boosters attached to me). And the poor white girl can do nothing but keep on shitting herself, cover her mouth in the “oh my god, this is soo embarrassing” pose and curse the rancid fucking Taco Bell food that left her intestines in such disorder.

Something else though: she stays in the hot tub. I mean granted, her options were limited but she left her legs dangling in her own dooky water. Leave you dumb bitch!

Oh well though, her pain = our gain. This is one of the greatest video clips ever.