Even worse than a habanero pepper

Have you ever eaten something hot then had it burn your o-ring on the way back out of your body? Sure, right? Well… have you ever eaten lightening?

This is precisely what happened to poor Natasha Timarovic recently. I am copying and pasting this article whole (for posterity) in case the link rots.

Lightning exits woman's bottom

October 09, 2006 12:00am

A WOMAN has suffered severe burning to her anus after being struck by lightning which hit her in the mouth and passed right through her body.

Natasha Timarovic, 27, was cleaning her teeth at in her home in the Croatian city of Zadar when lightning struck the building.

She said: "I had just put my mouth under the tap to rinse away the toothpaste when the lightning must have struck the building.

"I don't remember much after that, but I was later told that the lightning had travelled down the water pipe and struck me on the mouth, passing through my body.

"It was incredibly painful, I felt it pass through my torso and then I don't remember much at all." Doctors at the city hospital where she was treated for burns to the mouth and rear said: "The accident is bizarre but not impossible."

She was wearing rubber bathroom shoes at the time and so instead of earthing through her feet it appears the electricity shot out of her backside," a medic told local newspaper, 24 Sata.

"It appears to have earthed through the damp shower curtain that she was touching as she bent over to put her mouth under the tap. If she had not been wearing the shoes she would probably have been killed by the blast."

24 Sata said the young woman had been released from hospital after being kept in overnight and was expected to make a full recovery.

How shitty is your life when this happens to you. You’re just brushing your teeth when a lightning bolt tears through you and shoots out your ass. There are a couple of things that strike me here though.

First of all, do they not have fucking cups in Croatia? She would have been spared the misery of having her crinkle welded shut if she had had sense enough to use a cup instead of rinsing directly from the faucet.

Second of all, how lucky must she consider herself for having worn shoes. In case you missed it, the lightening would have exited through her feet and probably killed her without shoes. Since, however, she was wearing rubber shoes, the lightning’s exit was blocked and it was forced to find a different way out: through her fudge tunnel.

I wonder if this sort of thing leaves a permanent scar. What if she’s about to give up the booty one night; will her sodomizer notice something’s amiss?

Bugger: “Oh… uhh… geez. Yeah, umm… why exactly is your butthole black like toast?”
Natasha: “Oh yeah… that. It’s actually a funny story I’ve been meaning to tell you…”