Curses!

Well, my string of good luck has run out… if you consider going to another Tool concert an end to good luck. Which it’s not.

Here’s the back story: I’m going to Ireland this Friday and I knew that some time ago. I also noticed that Tool was playing in Mannheim this week so I took some extra days off to attend the concert too. I’ve had this ticket for a long time as opposed to the Stuttgart show which was something I wanted to go to but the realization of that goal was pretty much a lucky and spontaneous happening. Not so with Mannheim.

Unfortunately, I had failed to come up with a viable plan for transportation to and from the show. I mean, I know there are trains to and from Mannheim but the actual nitty gritty details were something I planned to deal with later. As it was getting close to do or die time, I looked up my options on Sunday and realized that the logistics and expenses of the trip were far more complicated and expensive than I first though. My mind explored an as yet unconsidered method of getting to the show: Sandra*. You see, she expressed interest in going to the Mannheim show but felt that she wouldn’t be able to pay for the gas again. As it turned out, the price of getting to and from Mannheim was 130 Euros and the train back to Munich didn’t leave until about 2:45 in the morning – and we’re not talking about the high-speed ICE train, we’re talking about a regional train and a 4.5 hour journey back.

I considered these things and realized that it’d be cheaper for me to buy Sandra another ticket to the show AND give gas money. On top of that, I’d be able to leave Mannheim at a reasonable hour and have some company (I should point out that Sandra is cool as hell and I had a great time hanging out with her during the Stuttgart adventure. In other words, yeah, it would have brought time and money benefits to go with her to Mannheim but it would have been cool to hang out again too). I asked Kathi’s sister if she’d have a problem with this and the surprising answer was no so I text messaged Sandra to see if she’d be up for it. Her answer was something to the effect of, “I have to ask my boyfriend. I’ll let you know tomorrow.” It doesn’t take Stephen Hawking to realize where that was going. The next day, my doubts were confirmed when she wrote back that she couldn’t go. Luck has betrayed me for the first time.

Undaunted, I made my way to the train station and purchased my train tickets. I climbed aboard the train in the afternoon and three comfortable and quick hours later I was in Mannheim. And lost. Luckily, I met up with two other dudes from out of town and one of them had received some good advice on how to get to the venue. We arrived at the arena together and then went our separate ways. This is where I put my diabolical scheme into action. I had contrived to sneak my camera into the arena with me and discreetly shoot some video of the songs from the new album. This would be my fourth Tool show and I knew the entrance procedure: you show your ticket and then endure a half-hearted frisking. During the previous three friskings, not one ventured any further south than my mid-calf area. So with that in mind, I tied my camera to my ankle and pulled my sock up over it. My genius was rewarded when, again, the frisk only went down to my knee. I had done it.

I ventured into the arena and Mastodon had just started. Quick note on Mastodon: they’re actually pretty cool. Having heard their material three times now, I can authoritatively say that it’s solid and I may actually purchase an LP or two in the future. Nevertheless, it was a good time to hit the merch counter and pick up a souvenir shirt. I’m not big on tour shirts but seeing as how it was a European tour shirt and I’d been to three of the shows, I felt it justified the purchase. I found a spot at the back of the arena and untied my camera and got it handy. I looked for the perfect place to go but couldn’t find a suitable area in terms of view and distance from security personnel. I instinctively headed for the barrier and was surprised to find that it was the perfect location for filming. Where I ended up was on Adam’s side again but further left than normal. I was still close and I wasn’t within the security’s main field of vision. I also noticed a very large man in a Chicago Cubs hoody filming Mastodon from the trench and thought it might be Danny. He finished up and headed backstage again and I could see that it had, indeed, been Danny himself. In any event, Mastodon wrapped up and they switched stages and before long Tool had arrived. Maynard was in his tour uniform: jeans, gasmask, shirtless and Danny was wearing and #24 “Carey” Lakers jersey. I have to point out that he was wearing an Elton Brand Clippers jersey in Stuttgart. He’s a sports bigamist…

Camella, Adam’s wife, was in the trench for the first two songs. The handful of pictures of her that appear from time to time on the Tool website don’t do her a bit of justice. She is pretty in person. For the record, the first songs were “Stinkfist” and “Swamp Song.” They did the extended version of “Stinkfist” only this time, Justin was doing some crazy tremolo picking during the first half of the extended part. After “Swamp Song,” I got ready for “Jambi” and sure enough Adam started right up. I got my camera out and discreetly slipped my arm over all but the lens so as not to attract attention. After that came “Schism” with the speed metal bridge again. Then “Lost Keys/Rosetta Stoned.” I took my camera out again to catch Adam’s solo and Danny’s ass-kickery during that part and got the rest of that song too. After that they played “46&2” and then had their set break. After their break, they started the “Wings” songs and someone (not me) took a picture and Maynard freaked out. “No flash photography! No flash photography! No flash photography during this song! Please, no flash photography! No flash photography,” he bellowed. One got the impression that he didn’t want people taking photos during the “Wings” songs. I, however, had other plans: the piece de resistance of my recording efforts was to be the “Wings” suite. This is where luck betrayed me for the second time. A security guard noticed me filming, grabbed me and said, “what’ve you got there?” SHIT. He asked to see the camera and I politely refused. He said that I could let him inspect the camera or I could be thrown out altogether. Taking this new information into consideration, I responded with something along the lines of, “since you put it that way, kind sir, you may examine my photo device to your heart’s content.” After the camera proved baffling to him, he called over the main security dude and he motioned me to follow him to the side of the stage. I was forced to delete everything I shot and they gave me a number and instructions on how to reclaim my camera after the show. SHIT. No more camera, all my footage gone and a lost spot on the barrier. Luck is a fickle mistress.

I was thirsty and right near a refreshment stand so I bought a water and started chugging. But why does my throat burn? Oh, because it’s that fucking CARBONATED PIECE OF SHIT WATER THAT THESE FUCKING RETARDS DRINK HERE!! I had neglected to take that into consideration and luck had bent me over yet again. Now I was in pain, gassy and no less thirsty than when I started.

After that ordeal I found an ideal spot to watch the rest of the show: the handicapped area. They’d set up an elevated platform for wheelchair people and there were only three utilizing it so I got comfortable and started kicking myself. This was the PERFECT place to film. The location was good and there was no way I would have been discovered there. Shit on a stick. To rub salt in my recently exposed wound, it certainly seemed like every asshole was filming the show or taking stills with their camera phones. Fuckers. Just then, however, a most unfortunate thing happened: Tool completely crapped the bed. They were still playing “Wings” and Maynard came in at the wrong time for his “Give me my… give me my… give me my wings” part after Adam’s solo. This ruined Adam’s timing and they actually floundered for a bit trying to put the song back together. Oops. The rest of the song went off without incident and afterwards another ludicrous thing happened: I was told to sit down. Ostensibly, people aren’t allowed to stand in the handicapped area since that would defeat the whole purpose of setting aside an area for wheelchair-bound people to watch the show. While I understand this rule, I also understand that my back was against the back railing and therefore there was no one behind me whose view I was blocking. But it’s a rule so it must be enforced! FUCKING GERMANS AND THEIR RULES!

The show concluded with “Lateralus,” “Vicarious” and “Aenema.” The full set-list was as follows:

Stinkfist
Swamp Song
Jambi
Schism
Rosetta
46&2
-set break-
Wings
Lateralus
Vicarious
Aenema

When they finished playing, they did their customary group hug at center stage but took no bows and didn’t throw out any trinkets to the crowd. I have to admit they seemed kind of detached for this show. No banter from Maynard at all and the picture thing during “Wings” must have really pissed him off.

The lights came up and I headed to the sound board to see if there was anything I could scrounge. The set-list was still there so I called out to JR (I only know his face and name because there’s a picture of him holding a wedge of cheese on the band’s main page right now) and asked for it. He hooked me up and the first thing I noticed was that the set-list was wrong. The official set-list has “Swamp Song” and “46&2” switched. Not that it makes any difference whatsoever but it’s kind of cool in a way.

Afterwards, I headed out to claim my camera. Every other person in the line was American. I can’t tell if it was some weird coincidence or what but it seemed that only Americans were trying to sneak in cameras.

After the concert, the shitty reality set in that I had nothing to do in a shit two except wait for the train to Munich. The concert ended at 11:20ish and my train was at 2:43. I wandered around a bit but had to take the last s-bahn (a regional type of train) to the main station or else I would have been stuck near the arena. I got to the train station and everything was closed so I collected my stuff and took out my iPod to kill the time. I found a nice table by a closed restaurant and sat comfortably for about 20 minutes until a guard came up to me and said the train station was closing. Fucking closing. I told him I still had a train to catch and he told me that I would have to wait for it on the tracks outside because they were closing. The fuck? I had to spend a couple of very uncomfortable hours freezing my ass off on the train tracks.

Follow up rants: The train to Munich was a regional night train and took 4.5 hours to make the journey. I got some light sleep on the train but looked forward to getting to the apartment and really sleeping. I got home and Kathi was still at home. She says, “some dude is coming to check the radiators (heaters) today so you can’t go to sleep yet.” It was 7:45 in the morning and she had to go to work. The heater dudes were supposed to show up between 8:00 and 9:00 so I was unhappy but able to deal. What time did the asshole actually show up? 10:45. If that wasn’t bad enough, he smelled worse than a bag of smashed assholes. I’ve never dealt with B.O. that bad and I live in Europe. I literally had to open up the windows in the dead of winter to air the place out after he left to get rid of his stink.

Methinks I should reconsider the nature of my fandom. Nah, fuck that. I’d do it again if I had to.

*Sandra from Dachau; the one I wrote about in my last post. I also wanted to include this side-note for Oscar. Yes, you. If you didn’t get the joke Bryan wrote, it’s probably because you are unaware that Dachau is the home of the Nazi’s first Concentration Camp complex. Not the first work camp ever, but the first complex and the model for all other complexes including Auschwitz. They did mention the Second World War during history at Sunnyside, didn’t they? In any event, Bryan was making a tasteless (and therefore, funny) Holocaust joke. Please note that his surname is Rosenbaum. That is all.