Eddie Van Halen

I was dicking around on the web last night and stumbled across an mp3 of Eddie on the Howard Stern show a while back [audio here – abridged transcript here]. So what’s the grumpy old man up to now? Well, he’s still grumpy (he hates David Lee Roth, Sammy Hagar and NOW he hates Michael Anthony too…), he’s talking about another version of Van Halen with his 15 year-old son on bass and he’s cured cancer.

Seriously.

Apparently, after he found out he had tongue cancer, he founded his own pathology center and discovered a cure for cancer “that’s not exactly legal in this country.” Whatever, I’ll take that for what it’s worth.

The REALLY interesting news is that Eddie’s also doing porno music now. This is in no way, shape or form a joke or exaggeration. One of the greatest and most influential guitarists in the entire universe is now making porno music. Eddie has contacted Michael Ninn (Google him if you don’t know) and has done the soundtrack for a movie that’s basically “Braveheart with a comeshot.”

Those are Eddie’s words.

There’s a teaser for Eddies video here.

Something else that I’ve recently found out: apparently when he was really at his breaking point with David Lee Roth, Eddie contacted Gene Simmons and begged Gene to let him join KISS (KISS were having their own problems with Ace Frehley at the time). Whoa. Imagine how much different the world would be: the Berlin Wall would never have fallen, a giant meteor would have killed off human life on earth and then a black hole would have swallowed what was left of the planet and the whole galaxy. This, of course, is my own estimation of how things would have turned out but I have good reason to believe it would have gone down like this.

One thing though: how monumentally stupid do you have to be to turn down Eddie Van Halen as your guitar player so you can patch things up with Ace fuckin’ Frehley? Not that I’m complaining or anything…