What is the definition of determined?

Or alternately, what is the definition of fucked up beyond repair?

What am I talking about? I’m talking about this news story. I mean, dudes do this all the time: they see a picture of a hot chick on the TV or in print somewhere and say, “damn, I’d like to meet her.” Very few of us have actually concocted a scheme to find the girl and ACTUALLY meet her. That’d be psychotic right?

Well Nicholas Grunke went above and beyond folks. He saw a picture of the girl he wanted and plotted to meet the object of his desire. The problem was, the picture he saw (he later found out) was an obituary picture. In other words, the woman he was planning to meet had just died. Did that stop Grunke? No fucking way! I’m guessing he was probably emboldened. I mean, what if he actually did meet the girl when she was alive and she wanted nothing to do with him? The dead offer less resistance than the living.

Grunke convinced his brother and a buddy to help him DIG HER GRAVE UP SO HE COULD HAVE SEX WITH HER DEAD BODY!!! I mean shit, I get that you wanted to meet the girl, but to not let her being dead derail your plans?

There are a couple of things that strike me about this report - aside from the obvious, that is. First, the report states that they stopped at a Wal-Mart to buy condoms before the deed. After all, safety is paramount when you’re defiling a person’s corpse. I mean, you wouldn’t want to risk getting her pregnant, right? And dead people are usually swimming with fungus, germs, bacteria and maggots. Can’t risk that either.

Second thing: those are some dedicated fucking friends. I want all of my friends, family and whoever the fuck else might read this to know that if you say to me, “You know… I could really go for some poontang but I’m looking for a sure thing. Let’s grab some jimmies and shovels and head off to the cemetery to dig up some hot ass!! Who’s with me?” I’m going to decline.

Just so you know.