That’s right, the motherf’n Pope, BITCHES!

So… what’d you do today? Really? That’s cool. What’d I do? I went to mass with the Pope. That’s what.

No worries, I’m still not a believer. It’s just that when you’re presented with the opportunity to go to a mass held by the Pope, you don’t turn down the opportunity.

I got back from the beer garden yesterday evening and settled on to the couch to watch Bayern Munich take on St. Pauli (and their American defenseman, Ian Joy) in a German Cup match. As the game kicked off, Kathi’s sister came in to tell me that her dad had an extra ticket to the Pope’s mass and was willing to hook me up as long as I was willing to stop by and pick the ticket up. Uh... done and done. He only lives down the street anyway so I ran over there at halftime, picked up the ticket and got back to the apartment in time to catch the second half kick-off. I got my ticket to the Pope and didn’t have to miss a second of soccer. Good times.

Re: the mass - The only challenge was getting there. As you can imagine, the Pope draws a crowd. The mass began at 10 a.m. and you had to be in your designated area by 9. But accounting for the crowds meant I had to be out the door by 7 a.m. By the time I got to the area where the mass was being held, I was but a drop in a sea of a quarter of a million people who’d also shown up. I made it to my section with nary a problem though.

The problems began when I underestimated the stupidity of the human species. Well, “problems” is a bit over-dramatic but I was annoyed to say the least. You were assigned to a general section but aside from that, it was general admission and standing room only. I found a spot that looked good and planted myself there only to be joined by some Asian ladies a short while later. Now, there was plenty of space for them to get comfortable but no, they seemed intent on violating my space. They kept slamming into me every time they moved. On top of that, the attendants started a soccer style “Be-ne-de-tto, clap-clap clap-clap-clap-clap” chant. At the Pope’s mass. THE POPE’S MASS!! On the plus side, some dude and his family settled to my left and the dude had the raddest mullet. He looked like a pederast. I have been led to believe that Catholics are against buggery in theory, if not in practice and the guy next to me just screamed “degenerate pervert.” Maybe it’s my inherent suspicion of people with mullets.

Aside from that the mass was pretty much as you could expect from a catholic service: ritual, guilt, colorful robes, guilt and a little cannibalism of the godhead. The Vatican has a kick-ass choir though.

All kidding and sarcasm aside, however, it was a great experience. I can now count myself among the folk that can say they’ve attended a mass held by the pope. Neat-o!