ANDY FUCKS DUDES! ANDY FUCKS DUDES!
There, now that I have everyone’s attention I want to point something out to everyone: yes Andy does indeed favor sexual relations with other men BUT he is also the mental equivalent of the Down’s Syndrome kid that they put on my dad’s tee-ball team.
A quick derail though – this post was originally going to be about how dumb the Winter Olympics are. I mean, c’mon… I understand the Summer Olympics: boxing, wrestling, basketball… stuff like that. Sprinting? A bunch of people line up, haul ass and whoever finishes first wins. Simple, right? The Winter games? What the hell is with short track speed skating? Curling? The biathlon? ICE DANCING? Maybe it’s because I’m from the desert but on the whole, none of it makes a lick of sense to me. Am I still watching? You bet your ass I am. Why, you may ask? Because I’m rooting for my country, that’s why. The only Winter athletes I’ve even heard of have blown ass so far (I’m looking at you Bode Miller. And you Apolo Ohno) but it could be the US v. Trinidad and Tobago in competitive basket weaving and I’m still going to cheer my ass off for the US.
And a tangent to my tangent: how stringent are the entry standards for becoming a Winter Olympian? I watched the race before Ohno ate a shit burger and some dude from a country I forgot finished last in that particular race. That, in and of itself, is not noteworthy because some dude finishes last in all the races. But I mean this guy finished LAST. The other racers were already showered, changed and enjoying beers in the Olympic Village pub by the time this guy finished up. So I was thinking, “hell, I’d like to compete in the Winter Olympics!” I don’t know about you, but I think Burkina Faso could use an entrant in the speed skating event. I could gain dual citizenship, train with the Burkina Faso Olympics committee (i.e. by myself) and compete. How much would that rule?!
Anyway, back to the Andy bashing. I would have remained blissfully unaware of his trash talking had the dumbass not called me to brag about it. So I check the comments from my Pro Bowl post and he’s talking crap about Big Ben.
Number one: don’t do this. Ben is possibly the greatest person who has ever lived. I mean, no one remembers who wrote War and Peace*; no one remembers who painted the Mona Lisa*; no one knows who cured polio*. But you damn well better know who the hell Ben Roethlisberger is. Why? Because he’s the best.
Number two: Andy claims the TEAM was responsible for Big Ben’s record. This is slippery logic because football is the very DEFINITION of a team sport. If Jesus was quarterbacking the Arizona School for the Deaf and Blind, they still aren’t winning any Super Bowls. So yes, Andy – the team won the games. You are ignoring, however, the radical change in the Steelers’ demeanor and ability when Big Ben is at the controls. Consider that last year, the 15-1 regular season year, the Steelers only played two games that Roethlisberger didn’t start. Those games were the Raiders in the season opener and the Ravens in the second game. The Steelers barely won against the Raiders (at Heinz Field) with a field goal that came with under ten seconds left on the game clock. The freakin’ Raiders!! The Ravens was a relatively lopsided defeat. Big Ben starts every game after that and they don’t lose again until the AFC Championship. Obviously a coincidence, right you fucking dunderhead? Also consider that the Steelers were (with much of the same personnel, excepting Roethlisberger) a 6-10 team the year before.
One must also keep in mind that the games that Big Ben played poorly in were bad news for the Steelers. Bad game against the Jets in the playoffs? Narrow victory in overtime. Bad game against the Patriots in the AFC Championship? Steelers lose. Let’s also not forget the games that Roethlisberger damn near won all by himself that season: the Dallas game and the Jacksonville game (both on the road).
This season was more of the same. When Big Ben suffered with thumb and knee injuries, the team stumbled. When Big Ben was healthy and playing well, the team won out the rest of the regular season to make the playoff and then beats the number 1, 2 and 3 seeds in the conference (on the road) in the playoffs. This is simply too much to be coincidence. Is Ben as good a pure passer as Manning? No. Is he as calm under fire as Brady? Not really. Is he as mobile a quarterback as Vick? Nope. Is he enough of all those things to take a team within one game of the Super Bowl in his rookie season and then win the Super Bowl in his second season? (checks results from 2005 and 2006) Yeah, I think so.
Actually, forget all the stuff I just typed and ask yourself one simple question? Do the Steelers go 15-1 in 2005 and win the Super Bowl in 2006 with Tommy Maddox as the QB?
Mmm hmm.
Now, my friend, will you kindly shut your cockholster?
PS – Andy writes in his comment “YOUR STUPID.” And to that I respond: my stupid what? I don’t understand the question/comment. Oohhhh… did you mean, “you’re stupid?” Because, you know… that would actually make sense. You see, my public school educated friend: “your” indicates possession and “you’re” is the contraction for the words “you are.” I’m guessing that’s what you meant to say.
Who’s the real asshole here?
(note: items marked with asterisks “*” are obviously jokes. I’m guessing history will remember those dudes too.)
A quick derail though – this post was originally going to be about how dumb the Winter Olympics are. I mean, c’mon… I understand the Summer Olympics: boxing, wrestling, basketball… stuff like that. Sprinting? A bunch of people line up, haul ass and whoever finishes first wins. Simple, right? The Winter games? What the hell is with short track speed skating? Curling? The biathlon? ICE DANCING? Maybe it’s because I’m from the desert but on the whole, none of it makes a lick of sense to me. Am I still watching? You bet your ass I am. Why, you may ask? Because I’m rooting for my country, that’s why. The only Winter athletes I’ve even heard of have blown ass so far (I’m looking at you Bode Miller. And you Apolo Ohno) but it could be the US v. Trinidad and Tobago in competitive basket weaving and I’m still going to cheer my ass off for the US.
And a tangent to my tangent: how stringent are the entry standards for becoming a Winter Olympian? I watched the race before Ohno ate a shit burger and some dude from a country I forgot finished last in that particular race. That, in and of itself, is not noteworthy because some dude finishes last in all the races. But I mean this guy finished LAST. The other racers were already showered, changed and enjoying beers in the Olympic Village pub by the time this guy finished up. So I was thinking, “hell, I’d like to compete in the Winter Olympics!” I don’t know about you, but I think Burkina Faso could use an entrant in the speed skating event. I could gain dual citizenship, train with the Burkina Faso Olympics committee (i.e. by myself) and compete. How much would that rule?!
Anyway, back to the Andy bashing. I would have remained blissfully unaware of his trash talking had the dumbass not called me to brag about it. So I check the comments from my Pro Bowl post and he’s talking crap about Big Ben.
Number one: don’t do this. Ben is possibly the greatest person who has ever lived. I mean, no one remembers who wrote War and Peace*; no one remembers who painted the Mona Lisa*; no one knows who cured polio*. But you damn well better know who the hell Ben Roethlisberger is. Why? Because he’s the best.
Number two: Andy claims the TEAM was responsible for Big Ben’s record. This is slippery logic because football is the very DEFINITION of a team sport. If Jesus was quarterbacking the Arizona School for the Deaf and Blind, they still aren’t winning any Super Bowls. So yes, Andy – the team won the games. You are ignoring, however, the radical change in the Steelers’ demeanor and ability when Big Ben is at the controls. Consider that last year, the 15-1 regular season year, the Steelers only played two games that Roethlisberger didn’t start. Those games were the Raiders in the season opener and the Ravens in the second game. The Steelers barely won against the Raiders (at Heinz Field) with a field goal that came with under ten seconds left on the game clock. The freakin’ Raiders!! The Ravens was a relatively lopsided defeat. Big Ben starts every game after that and they don’t lose again until the AFC Championship. Obviously a coincidence, right you fucking dunderhead? Also consider that the Steelers were (with much of the same personnel, excepting Roethlisberger) a 6-10 team the year before.
One must also keep in mind that the games that Big Ben played poorly in were bad news for the Steelers. Bad game against the Jets in the playoffs? Narrow victory in overtime. Bad game against the Patriots in the AFC Championship? Steelers lose. Let’s also not forget the games that Roethlisberger damn near won all by himself that season: the Dallas game and the Jacksonville game (both on the road).
This season was more of the same. When Big Ben suffered with thumb and knee injuries, the team stumbled. When Big Ben was healthy and playing well, the team won out the rest of the regular season to make the playoff and then beats the number 1, 2 and 3 seeds in the conference (on the road) in the playoffs. This is simply too much to be coincidence. Is Ben as good a pure passer as Manning? No. Is he as calm under fire as Brady? Not really. Is he as mobile a quarterback as Vick? Nope. Is he enough of all those things to take a team within one game of the Super Bowl in his rookie season and then win the Super Bowl in his second season? (checks results from 2005 and 2006) Yeah, I think so.
Actually, forget all the stuff I just typed and ask yourself one simple question? Do the Steelers go 15-1 in 2005 and win the Super Bowl in 2006 with Tommy Maddox as the QB?
Mmm hmm.
Now, my friend, will you kindly shut your cockholster?
PS – Andy writes in his comment “YOUR STUPID.” And to that I respond: my stupid what? I don’t understand the question/comment. Oohhhh… did you mean, “you’re stupid?” Because, you know… that would actually make sense. You see, my public school educated friend: “your” indicates possession and “you’re” is the contraction for the words “you are.” I’m guessing that’s what you meant to say.
Who’s the real asshole here?
(note: items marked with asterisks “*” are obviously jokes. I’m guessing history will remember those dudes too.)
posted by Sivlitz at 9:31 PM
3 Comments:
First off, what's this infatutation Joe has with Roethlisbergers' penis? If Joe, this self proclaimed non-gay dude would take a moment to stop loathing himself because he himself is actually gay, he would see that his "Love for Penis" actually runs much deeper. Second, Joe mentions that i actually called him to brag about my previous comments, when in fact i called to ask if he had the Deftones albums to burn for me & merely asked if he had read the comments. Then, if you know Joseph, the penis that he is, he gets into the same old "I WOULD GIVE ROETHLISBERGER HEAD IF I COULD " speech & begins arguing the same argument. One has to ask themselves, why? WE DON'T CARE! Also, fellow readers of Joes' blog...have you noticed his infatuation with me? He consistenly brings me up during his "gay comment" remarks or new stories he has to talk about. Ex: September 05 archives "Why I prefer bars to clubs" & October 05 "delta Lamba Phi breaks fraternity stereotypes!" ...again, there he makes HIS focus on guys & gays guys. HMMM? Joe talking about guys...again, what!?!! Joseph consistently points me out & makes random statements that im gay. Well, in my defense, i am going to inform you..readers of this blog that i am not & make comparisons to my social life to MR. NON-GAY DUDE JOSEPHS'. First, i want to say that I have yet to witness Joe with a female. I know of one, but not since that one girl about 8 years ago. Yes, it's been a long road to the dark side for Joe. Second, he only hangs out with dudes. Last, us guys usuallly have a scale of 1-10 on how hot a chick is & from the one girl i know of i give her an 8, which is good. I know this because Joe knows this. (Whole other story) So if we go by score, Joe has a total point score of 8 points because he has only been with that one girl im sure. Now onto me. I have had my share of the ladies & i ALWAYS date a chick that's at the very least a 7.(Our other friends can verify this)I do hang out with a girl at least three times a week & If i were to add my score it comes out to 138/170...i've had a 10,9,7 &14 8's. That is impressive. So 138 compared to 8...hmmmm who is the gay one??? & also if Joe tries to justify his long distance relationship, it's just a cover for whatever dude he is banging in Germany! So just to close out this comment here is a quote from Joe...."as ironic as it may sound: there are ways of meeting women without sacrificing your manhood or self respect" I agree Joe......but PLEASE EXPLAIN YOUR OWN METHODS BECAUSE WHAT THERE IS EVIDENCE OF, IT'S OBVIOUSLY NOT WORKING FOR YOU!...FAGGOT.
........BUST!
Again... Ouch!!!
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