Part VI – Barcelona

Saturday, March 17th

We woke up and took the bus into the city. We were deposited right near the enormous statue of Christopher Columbus and then immediately made our way down La Rambla, which is the city’s main tourist/shopping drag. It was from somewhere on La Rambla where I mailed a defaced version of a rafa marquez postcard to Bryan. I thought he’d appreciate it. We ambled down to Plaza Catalunya and then headed off to see Barcelona’s Cathedral. We were mildly disappointed because the exterior didn’t look that hot to begin with but was undergoing reservations on top of that. We debated whether or not to even pay the entrance fee when I decided, “what the hell, why not?” and we went in. It was a wise, wise decision. The Barcelona Cathedral is one of the most beautiful buildings I have ever seen. Everything about the interior was great. We were also able to take an elevator to the roof where we had kick-ass views of the city. We went back down and strolled though the courtyard and monastery attached to the cathedral then made our way to the Parc de la Ciutadella. While strolling through the park, I happened to notice a gaggle of Muslims. The men were all on their prayer mats and their women were fussing about a couple of their shithead kids. It was then that I noticed the most extraordinary thing: one of the women had sent her kid off behind a park bench to SHIT right in the park. There were fucking bathrooms just a few meters away but no, that was too much trouble so she had the little fucking rat pull down his pants and push out a log right in the middle of a crowded city park. I was going to take a picture of this but ultimately decided against it. I wanted to teach the whore mother a lesson, as it surely would have been somewhat embarrassing for her but in the end I pussied out and couldn’t bring myself to do it. Fucking animals.

After the park and shitting episode, we went to check out some of Gaudi’s work. He was a lunatic architect that primarily did his work in Barcelona. A lot of people shit themselves over his architecture but I have to admit I thought it was incredibly ugly and inappropriate. His stuff stands out a mile away. You’ll have a row of buildings and then, inexplicably, one that looks like some Down’s kid with crayons drew the blueprints for which were then actually built. Ok, it’s not THAT bad and there’s certainly something to be said for his very, very unique style but, as I said earlier, I still thought it was a little too kooky and inappropriate. We topped that off with his masterwork, The Sagrada Familia church (google it for pictures and you’ll see what I mean of his stuff).

After some more sight-seeing adventures, we made our way back to La Rambla for paella and sangria. It was a great meal and a really cool atmosphere. Afterward, we were still a little restless so we went to a bar that we had taken note of earlier. We had some more drinks, including some shots of Absinthe, in this really cool bar near the Santa Maria called the “Tangara” or something. We were feeling pretty good after this and we were also feeling pretty lost so we consulted a bus map to find the route we needed to get back to our hotel. While waiting at the Plaza de Catalunya for our bus, we made the acquaintance of a seemingly nice young woman who told us that she was going in the same direction as us. Her intention was to buy drugs. She let us in on a little secret: the Zona Franca area, where we were staying, was a drug hot spot in Barcelona because it’s kind of isolated and, therefore, not often patrolled by policemen. After hearing this, we looked around the bus (this was well into the night) and noticed that, sure enough, most of the people on board looked like loser-ass junkies. For being a crackhead though, she was a very nice person and actually lent us the correct bus fare since we had to pay with exact change – something we didn’t have. All the junkies got out a few stops before our hotel though, which was a small relief and we made it back without further incident. We did notice that our room had been made up though. That was nice considering the fucking “Do Not Disturb” sign had been hanging on the door all day long.

Sunday, March 18th

We were flying out the next morning so this was the last full day of the trip.

I got it started off with a bang as I took the biggest shit known to human kind. I was on the toilet for a solid 20 minutes and there were only a few seconds in that entire time where I wasn’t voiding something I had previously eaten. It sounds disgusting, but you’d have been impressed. Trust me.

We went back into the city and ate a delicious breakfast at Subway. We still didn’t have change so I had to pay with a fifty but the lady couldn’t change it. She let us eat and then pay at the end which was a small but very cool gesture.

We went back to see a few more of Gaudi’s buildings but they were still just wacky buildings. We took a long, long hike to Park Guell – another Gaudi creation – and were left with the same feeling: yeah it’s original and unique but it’s still a letdown. After that I decided to hit up a palace of another sort: the Camp Nou where FC Barcelona plays. It was gigantic but I kind liked the imposing front of the Bernabeu better, to tell the truth. After that, there was a monastery that Kathi’s sister wanted to visit so we hiked for ages and ages to get there only to notice that it was closed and not altogether thrilling in the first place. We dragged ourselves to the Plaza de Espana and were rewarded with the sights there. We walked around Montjuic and visited the Olympic sights. We kicked around Montjuic for a while and then headed back to La Rambla for some real food.

We stopped at a Chinese place for paella (sounds weird, but it’s true) and we scored a smoking deal outside on the Rambla itself after being denied paella inside. We only paid 12 Euros or so but we were treated to a great salad, paella, sangria and then ice cream. Having seen all that we really wanted to see, we got back on the bus to the hotel with another gang of junkies in tow and headed for a decent night’s rest.

There was one more adventure left though. Kathi’s sister had been driving the whole time since I can’t drive standard. Since we made it back to the hotel relatively early, she decided to give me an impromptu driving lesson. You know, I had always thought that I could at least drive a stick to the hospital in an emergency or something but I was fucking wrong. I could barely start the thing and neither going forward nor going backward was possible in my incapable hands. For once, I was the one getting shit for shitty driving so a little bit of cosmic justice was served.

Stupid fucking karma.